Recently, an article on the Odyssey was published called: "16 Things That Happen When You're the Fat Girl in the Friend Group."
The 16 things include but are not limited to not being able to share clothes, the hatred one has for going shopping with friends, being the funny one, hating when your friends say they're fat, going to the club and being miserable because all of your friends are being hit on, conversations right before meals and being given advice about your body.
To preface my article, I want to say a few things.
I was fat. I previously discussed my childhood obesity and my consistent struggle for body acceptance in a previous article. So I, like almost every human on this earth, understand not being comfortable in my own body, and feeling self-conscious.
Furthermore, I am not attacking the author of this article but rather simply stating that my opinion differs than hers. Writing for a platform like the Odyssey gives me the opportunity to express my own opinions and I hope the author can respect that.
That being said, when I first saw the article, I thought "go girl! You rock! Preach it!" But once I clicked on the article and began to read, I was horrified that someone could 1. feel this way and 2. express this on a social platform like the Odyssey for other girls to rally behind.
Like I said, I was fat when I was younger. My weight was something others would prey on because it was easy. The comments and looks and remarks made me self-conscious, made me hate ordering at restaurants and running in gym class and trying on jeans amongst a million other things.
Some of those feelings never subsided. Though now I am healthy and fit, I still have moments where I hate how I look or have a nervous breakdown in a dressing room. I'm unsure if those moments of self-consciousness will ever go away. And I'm okay with that.
However, no matter how mean others could be about my size, one thing is for sure. Even at my heaviest and even at my lightest, I was always surrounded by family and friends. I was always loved, no matter my size. My self-consciousness stemmed from my own insecurities, my own issues. It was never instilled in me because of my friends or family members comments. Rather, my friends and family lifted me up. I was most comfortable around them, most sure around them, most okay around them- sometimes even more so than when I was by myself.
I think my biggest problem with the article "16 Things That Happen When You're the Fat Girl in the Friend Group" is that the author places the blame on the people that are supposed to love her most.
I am not angry because of the words Samantha wrote, but rather heartbroken that her friend group, her support group, could make her feel that way. That she could hate spending time with her crew when shopping or eating because she feels "judged." (her words, not mine. She writes that she fears to be judged).
Even at my heaviest of times, I knew my friends would never judge me. I knew they loved me for me, not for my body or how I looked or what guys I attract or any of the other nonsense that doesn't even matter when it comes to a human being's worth.
So no, for me, that article does not describe the truth of being the fat girl in the friend group. Here's my truth about struggling with my weight while growing older and making new friends. I go out. I have fun. I eat fries and go to cycling class when I want. My friends eat salads and watch TV when they want. I'm funny but some of my skinniest friends are funnier. I borrow my friends clothes, even if they fit me differently. I post my shirt or jean size when asked for sorority orders because YES, I do wear a size M/L and I'm okay with that. I listen when girls who are smaller than me cry about how they are unhappy with their body and I listen when girls who are bigger than me tell me how confident and comfortable they feel. And most importantly, I do not judge either of them. Rather, I love them for who they are and support them for what they want (when within reason and good for their own well-being) because I am their friend.
It is all personal choices we make to feel good about ourselves. I would never and do not ever feel pressured or forced or judged into making decisions based off the comparison of my size and my friends size. And if one of my so-called "friends" did make me feel bad, I would need to re-evaluate that friendship and how good it was for me and my mental well-being. And if I made one of my friends feel judged for something like their size, I'm unsure if I could ever forgive myself.
My heart aches for this girl who does not feel the love and support that she deserves for being who she is, not what she looks like.
I will never be a size 2. I will never be 105 pounds. But that does not stop me from going shopping with my friends or ordering extra fries when I've had a long week. It doesn't stop me from going out with my friends and dancing the night away, not caring if I captured a guy's attention or not. It doesn't stop me from living my life with those who are always uplifting me.
Looking back on my journey with weight, I realize that the hardest part wasn't the workouts or eating right or fitting into new clothes, it was accepting myself for who I was and loving that person unconditionally. It was getting rid of the people in my life who made me feel lesser and unlovable. It was only embracing those that empowered me. It was being able to look in the mirror and say to myself "I am enough."
I want so badly for people like the author of that article to accept themselves for who they are, to be comfortable in their own bodies, to have friends who support them and love them no matter their color, shape, or size.
To the author of that article, I say: you will always have a friend in me that will see you for the beautiful soul I know you are. You will always have a friend in me who wants you to have the confidence you deserve.
I want to live in a world that is more concerned about our actions, our character and our goodness rather than the size of our jeans and the fitness of our bodies. I want to live in a world that is full of love and self-acceptance because I'm unsure how much more of this my heart can take.
