I think that every person you meet, you fall in love with, just a little bit. And a piece of them always stays with you, so over time you collect people. And maybe you don't remember every single one, but that doesn't mean they haven't affected you. For better or for worse, they changed you.
If there's one thing about myself that I've always tried to vehemently deny, it's the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I've gotten better at hiding it over the years, but that's mostly what it is: hiding it. It's not that circumstances have changed so much that I'm not still that naive little girl—wide-eyed, bewildered, and filled to the brim with awe at the world around her—because in a lot of ways, I still am. I am still that curious little girl, the one who wants all the answers to everything, no matter how much those same answers threaten to break you to pieces when you hear them, because you just need to know. You can't exactly explain why you willing put yourself through it, but you just do, because it's who you are, and while it might be a fatal character flaw, you wouldn't be who you were without it. I know I wouldn't be.
But, for me, that curious mind comes complete with a nurturing soul and a heart full of love, love for everyone, regardless of who they happen to be. I am one of those people that falls in love with everyone they meet, and while it hurts like hell sometimes, there's not a thing I would change about it. I'm not necessarily talking romantic love, because I'm still not even sure I would know what that was if it was standing right in front of me, but the dozens upon dozens of other kinds of love there are in this world. Whether it's falling in love with someone as a best friend, falling in love with someone as an individual you respect and idolize, falling in love with someone for their passions and dedications, or maybe even something that faintly brushes against that true love, they're all sensations ever so familiar to me.
So, this is for you, for the ones who can relate to exactly what I'm saying, for those of you who care relentlessly and try to find some good in everyone, even when everyone else in your life is screaming at you to stop because "it's hopeless," but you can't believe that. Nothing is ever truly hopeless, nor is any single human being on this planet. You go into situations knowing chances are, you're going to get hurt, but you don't let that sway you, because as long as you can make that difference to someone else, as long as they don't get hurt, that's what matters. You can bounce back and you know you will, because you always do, so you keep moving forward with it. You keep trying to be the difference maker, the one who can put a smile on someone's face when all they want to do is frown, the shoulder to cry on when the world comes crashing down around them.
It's single-handedly simultaneously one of the most exhausting and most rewarding feelings in the world. Because, while you're protecting those around you from the hurt in the world, if you don't have someone doing the same for you, that balance doesn't last forever, and when your own world comes crashing down, it's devastating. You question everything you've known and why you put yourself through this, even though you know damn well in a few days, you'll be back to doing the same thing. Someone once told me that it was those that had the hearts of gold, the ones that cared relentlessly that were going to change the world someday, and I wholeheartedly believe that. Caring for someone else and expecting nothing in return is one of the least selfish things you can do.
And I realize in so many ways, this might sound like a humblebrag, like I'm trying to give myself some sort of digital pat on the back, and while I might not be able to convince you that this is anything but, I'm still going to try, because I know I'm not alone in this. Some might call it masochistic to knowingly let yourself fall in love with everyone you meet, knowing damn well that some of those relationships (platonic or otherwise) are going to hurt you in some of the worst ways you've ever been hurt, and I'm not going to try to deny that either. It hurts like hell to care about someone and to have that thrown back in your face, but you can't expect everything in life to be mutual.
You're going to care about people that don't care about you, and they're entitled to that. No one is entitled to give a damn about you just because you give a damn about them. What matters, however, is that you keep moving forward in spite of that. Because while being someone that falls in love with everyone they meet is one of the worst things that's ever happened to me, it's always one of the best as well. I've learned so much from every person I've ever met, and I believe that, for better or for worse, they've all taught me something. At the end of the day, knowing that I might have made a difference in someone's life is what matters to me, because life is too short to be selfish, to not love at every chance you're given, to push people away in the fear of getting hurt.
So, maybe I do hate wearing my heart on my sleeve and ending up the emotional wreck that I do half the time as a result, but I wouldn't change any of it for the world. For better or for worse, that's exactly who I am, and if it's what's going to help me care enough to make a difference in this world someday, that's enough for me. I don't know what anyone else's motivation for it might be, but I just want you to know, you're not alone in this world. You never are. There are people who know exactly how you feel, and they're there for you, even when you feel like you're the one who always cares and is never cared about. It took me a long time to realize that, but whatever you do, don't let the hate in the world keep you from loving what and who you choose to love. You were born to make a difference in this world, and you're going to do exactly that.
In life, you will realize there is a role for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They are the rare and amazing people who remind you why it's worth it.