This is a topic I have really struggled with writing for quite some time. It is not a topic that anyone wants to have to discuss, but the sad truth is that even though it is not a fun and cheery topic, it is a very real problem that affects more people than you realize. I have had more personal experiences with eating disorders and the outcomes due to them, than I'd like to admit.
Recently I lost a beautiful friend to her struggle with anorexia and it is an unimaginable loss knowing how she lost her battle. There are no right words to say but also having personally dealt with a similar struggle, luckily a much less severe case it has truly brought to light the severity of eating disorders and how quickly they can take over a person's life. Just like any other disease or addiction, when it comes to an eating disorder you do not see yourself as others see you. When people say, "Wow you look so good!" or "Look how much weight you've lost." It doesn't have the same impact on a person struggling with an eating disorder as it does when you say those things to a healthy person.
Looking in the mirror is a struggle everyday, you don't just check to make sure your outfit matches or if your hair looks just right, you look in the mirror to see if your collarbone is showing, since that is something you think makes you look skinny, you check the skin under your chin, you make sure your arms don't look as big as they normally do, you make sure you don't have rolls of fat showing anywhere, you pick apart every single thing about yourself until you don't even see yourself in the mirror anymore. You hide food and only eat when you're alone because you see eating as a weakness.
You destroy your body for the peace of mind you hope comes, but never does. Most people don't understand how badly you have to think of yourself to deny yourself something you know you need to survive. Do not believe all the things you tell yourself late at night. Don't believe all the negative thoughts that cross your mind countless times a day. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself and your body also try to find a positive thought to replace it, even if it is unrelated to yourself and your body...eventually you will find something you like about yourself, if you want to.
Remember, you are more important than the pounds shown on the scale, the calories on the back of the wrapper, the weight loss pills you feel you need to get through a day, and the image you think you want to look like. You are not the choices you have made, you are what you choose to be today and I hope that is happy, healthy and okay with the way you look. My wish for myself and anyone else struggling is for you to see yourself through the eyes of the people that love you.
If you or something you know is struggling with an eating disorder please get yourself/them help. You don't realize how quickly things can spiral out of control.
Call: 800-931-2237
www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
