When we lose someone, unexpected or not, it hurts. It could be a death; it could be a break up (let's be honest, sometimes break-ups feel like death), but in any measure, loss is loss and it never feels good.

When you experience a loss so deep that you can feel the physical pain of it in your heart...it's as if you're drowning.

Pain engulfs you.

Everything feels out of control.

Your mind races and the question of "why?" never ceases.

We live in a world where people are expected to be "strong." Strength is often defined as "sucking it up" and "moving on." People are taught to ignore their pain because emotions are absolutely terrifying. The world is full of man made creations that are used to bury that pain-- drugs, alcohol, and other materialistic things that never actually bring lasting comfort. Honestly, I can completely understand why people turn to substances to fill the gaping void of loss...

The sting of death is real.

Tragedy sucks.

Pain is defeating.

Anything that seems to dull the pain for even just an instant might seem worth it, yet these serve as merely crutches. The only way to deal with pain is to face it head on.

Last summer, I came home from a missions trip to find that a woman very near to my heart was in the hospital and losing a battle with cancer. My church and many others prayed and contended for months for her to be healed, yet on June 8th, 2015 at 2:44a.m. she passed away. She was 54 years old. Everyone that had fought this battle alongside her stood in utter confusion and filled with so many questions. Why would this happen to a lady that brought an abundance of joy into every room she stepped foot in...a woman that changed people's lives by the way she loved Jesus?

Often when we experience loss, we're met with cliche responses from people, such as "God needed another angel" or smiling people that throw a Bible verse at you like "count it all joy when you face trials." Of course this is said with good intention, but it is simply unhelpful.

God does not will tragedies to happen to teach us a lesson. He doesn't give someone cancer to teach them faith or allow abuse to make someone stronger.

I have witnessed numerous people get offended at God, pointing their finger and playing the blame game. I have definitely been guilty of this, but I've realized that letting our circumstances define our theology is unhealthy and creates a completely false belief system. God is not the author of pain and tragedy.

Christa Black Gifford, one of my favorite writers, puts it like this: Would a father let his child be abused so that maybe one day his child can help abused children? Absolutely not! That would not be the definition of a good father.

It's not God's will that we experience pain, but He does acknowledge that in a world full of pain and suffering we are bound to come across it. In fact, God says He sent His Holy Spirit as the helper or comforter for that reason (John 14:16-18).

The promises of God should be our standard of life instead of stooping down to the pain of our circumstances. We have to surrender the "whys" behind our tragedies and accept we are not always going to understand. It's in these situations, where God becomes our only hope and only solution, that He becomes the most real.

I know that some of you reading this post may not even believe in God, but there is no complete healing without Him. There is no substance that can fulfill that void that has been left in your heart. The world tells you to be strong, but it is okay to be weak sometimes.

There is strength in vulnerability.

Feel your pain. Grieve, but don't stay there. I can promise you that God will meet you right where you're at. We were not created to live broken and depressed. That void you feel, that hole in your heart... it doesn't have to stay that way. There is healing. There is comfort. And His name is Jesus.

In loving memory of a precious friend and mentor, Carolyn Sue Bolinger. May your testimony prove that in mourning there is always joy; in death there is no defeat.