I’ve spent my whole life hearing that I was too trusting, that I was naïve, that people couldn’t wait for me to wake up, see the world for what it is and fight back. I am convinced the entire adult population is familiar with the statement, whether because you’ve said it or heard it that, “I used to be that way, but then I woke up”-- “that way” meaning “trusting,” “giving,” “hopeful”.

Let me tell you, I am awake.

I hope you get, by now, it’s been a while. I’m now an adult. I’ve faced my battles, some pretty big ones in fact. I’ve come across my fair share of “teachers” determined to make me see the so-called truth of the world. I hope you see that my eyes are wide open. I see you, I heard every word telling me to fight back, I felt the impact of every blow meant to turn me into yet another weapon of this social warfare where it’s every man and woman for themselves. I see the news, I read the headlines, I am awake, and let me tell you, I am fighting, just not the way you want me to.

You see, I chose a long time ago what kind of person I wanted to be—how I wanted to love and how I wanted to fight. I can’t and won’t say that I do it well every time, or even most of the time, but I know how I intend to carry on in it through this life, and it is completely independent of how I am treated or how my expectations of this world are met. The actions and the evil tendencies of our world do not dictate or create my character. I don’t understand the argument that someone can be too trusting, too loving or too giving. I am already aware that this world is selfish; it’s an every-man-for-himself battle out there, and I hate it, which is why I refuse to participate in it the way I’m told I should. I have chosen to be me. I have decided that I am no one else’s responsibility. Pain, fear and depression have sharpened my edges and serrated my heart just like the rest of us—we are part of this world that is in constant war and chaos and we are turned into instruments to respond. This is why I need you to open your eyes. You intended to train me, to prepare me to fight. You believed I was unskilled with my weapons because with every blow given, you felt nothing in return.

Next time, I beg you to open your eyes before you swing, and if you do, you’ll see I don’t need training, I’ve been fighting all along—alongside you and for you. My eyes are open.

I don’t blame you for these bruises. In fact, let me take this moment to apologize for any of yours that I’m responsible for, and know that my eyes are locked again on my true enemy, and it’s not you, nor am I yours, because like I said, I’ve already decided what kind of person I want to be. I want to be honest. I want to be kind. I want to be loyal and open and patient and forgiving. And it’s not your job to keep me safe from all that’s in the world, it’s our job to create a world worthy of trusting, loving and fighting for. A world where everyone is fighting to be safe is safe for no one, and I don’t want safe. While you’ve been warning me about this world you fear so much, I’ve been here fighting it with the weapons I’ve been given, waiting for you to open your eyes and decide what kind of person you’re going to be.