25 Things Twitter Trusts More Than The Tennessee Vols' Coaching Search | The Odyssey Online
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25 Things Twitter Trusts More Than The Tennessee Vols' Coaching Search

All we want for Christmas is Jon Gruden or Les Miles or Mike Leach or just a coach in general.

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25 Things Twitter Trusts More Than The Tennessee Vols' Coaching Search
Instagram

Grumors... I think we got him! The plane is in Tampa; he's at Calhoun's with Peyton. Eating and steak and signing contracts.. Let's ride! They're talking to Mullen.. Just kidding.. We ain't crazy bout Norvell. Well maybe he'd be okay. Y'all think Chip Kelly might come? Okay, if we don't get Gruden, Petersen is a homerun.

Source: The search is over. An announcement is planned for the University of Tennessee tomorrow. It's gotta be Gruden! It's Mullen ; I know it's Mullen.

Schiano?!? You have to be kidding me! I' done. Burning my checkerboard overalls. You can keep that gaudy orange. I never liked it anyway. Anybody planning a fall wedding? I'll be there,

We, Vol Twitter, reject the the hire. The hire is off; Schiano is out. Glory to the Lord in the highest. God smiles on the beautiful state on Tennessee. Greg Schiano will not be the head coach of the Tennessee Vols.

Bring the prodigal home. Lane Kiffin, we want you back.We'll buy your Knoxville home back for you. Give me the real estate agent's number. Kiffin has not been contacted. #FireCurrie. Hire Tee Martin. He's got Tennessee ties, good ole boy.

Mike Gundy is speaking with the Vols. I repeat Mike Gundy is speaking with the Vols. Mike Gundy tweets, "Cowboy for Life." I'm so done. Unfollow.

Steele or Brohm? It's so close to happening. "We got Brohm, y'all." Dave Doeren is meeting with Tennessee officials. I promise you if we hire that loser from North Carolina State, I will become an FAU die hard. This is ridiculous. Let me hire the dang coach. Good Lord.

Doehren turned down the offer. I'm back. There is no other force as powerful as Vol Twitter. We run the world.

C'mon down Kevin Sumlin. Mike Leach is on his way. Oh lawd it's happening. Retweet that wedding advice video. Quotes tweet, "He wants the napkins to be orange." I'm all in #VFL. Bless up. No deal was made..

Currie is gone. Let's ride! Phil Fulmer is AD. I don't get this. Currie was just trying to do his job; go after the Haslams. The Browns are 0-11. Nuff said. Currie was one of us.

Phil Fulmer; is the man with the plan. Les Miles might is willing to walk to Tennessee. Let's get this deal.

Wait, the white whale is still alive...

Confused yet? Yeah me too. The Rocky Top coaching search has turned "Days of our Lives." Fear all; trust no one. Here's a list of 25 things that I currently trust more than the Tennessee Vols coaching search.

1. Emails from Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton Emails

2. The Guy with 'free candy" on the street corner

Creepy Candy Guy

3. Babysitter's ad on Craigslist: "Good with Kids: Cash Only"

Babysitters Ad Craigslist

4 .Telemarketers

5. "Congratulations! You are our 5,000th visitor; you've just won an all expense paid trip to the Bahamas. Enter your mailing information below."

Bahamas

6. Tap water in Mexico

Tap Water

7. The Ice cream machine at McDonald's


8. Mall Santa's- "You sit on a throne of lies. You smell of beef and cheese."

Buddy the Elf

9. The Internet.

10. Mapco Restrooms off the interstate.

11. Oatmeal raisin cookies disguised as chocolate chip cookies


12. Taxi Drivers in Chinatown

13. Sheets at America's Best Value Inn

14. CNN's reports of the Republican Party

15. Your girlfriend when she says, "Have fun." (Abort the mission; I repeat abort the mission. Do not have fun.)

16. People who smile before 8 am.

17. Girls' Instagram Posts with "No filter" as the the caption. (It's called the 365 app.. you ain't fooling nobody.)

18. Dwight Schrute's beet farm

19. School Lunch Mystery Meat

20. Michael Vick in a pound.

21. "I still love Rihanna." -Chris Brown

22. Bill Clinton in 1998.

23. ISIS with nuclear weapons

24. Wal-Mart. At Night. In Birmingham.

25. As Seen on TV.. Yeah, yeah, yeah..

In all seriousness, good luck to Coach Fulmer as the manhunt of college football continues! All we want for Christmas is a coach, Coach.

Sincerely,

Vol Twitter

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