Trust issues.
Today, this term is pretty often used lightly as a meme phrase of sorts, but its purpose in this article is nothing of the sort. I'm here to talk about how much I hate trust issues, and how much I hate that past experiences have bestowed them upon me.
Most of us (sadly) have 'em. Whether they sprung from romantic relationships gone wrong, friend betrayals and friend divorces, or bad blood in the family, most of us at some point in time have had our trust in people completely shattered.
Of course, they say that without trust, then there is nothing. I find this to be true. I do not think you can have a meaningful, healthy, or worthy relationship with someone if you do not trust them.
But how do they affect us long term? Or, do they affect us long term at all?
I suppose the answer to this would be unique to the individual. Some of us are just better at shrugging things off than others, while some of us overthink every little detail or scenario in the world and feel our brains actually start to hurt.
Sadly, I'm the latter.
You see, I've had my trust shattered multiple times in my relatively short lifetime. By family, and by friends.
(Sidenote, your girl is a single pringle, so until we reach that destination, no intense romantic betrayal fit for Days Of Our Lives here, thanks very much.)
Any time I've had my trust shattered in people, it hurts... Like hell. I think it comes as a shock to one's system if I'm being honest, and there should genuinely be a necessary recovery plan period for it.
Often times, betrayal comes out of nowhere. It can just happen so fast that you cannot prepare for it whatsoever.
The really sucky part, though?
That even after you have moved on from the people that have betrayed you and the situation itself, you are left with very ugly scars.
Scars that are constantly there to metaphorically ask you the following:
What if it happens again?
Who can I even trust now?
Should I always live lifeguarding and protecting myself?
When will I learn to let go and be myself again?
So, yes - being betrayed can happen in the span of ten seconds. But those feelings you're left with once the storm passes? It feels like they're there permanently.
But they don't have to be.
I've been struggling with this myself lately. Wondering if I can ever learn to fully trust people in my life after a particularly nasty friend divorce years ago.
Yes, YEARS. I'm telling you, this stuff haunts ya.
After some guided meditation and a pep talk from a childhood bestie, I realized something so simple yet so heavy: it is not fair to put my trust issues from bad past experiences on people in my present.
People who have never given me any indication that they will betray me.
People that are not like those that betrayed me.
People that love me, care about me, and would never do anything to intentionally hurt me.
Do not give people from your past the power to ruin your present or your future. Don't shut your heart down. Learn to be open, learn to be trusting.
Living life constantly worrying about the hurt that may or may not ever come is not really a life well lived.
So, yes. You have trust issues. I have trust issues. We likely all do. It's not something that we can control.
But you know what we can control?
Keeping our hearts and minds open to happiness, love, and loyalty to thrive.
