With the election looming nearer, its time to start taking some serious action. Donald Trump winning the presidency could potentially cause a lot of problems for Americans. Sure there's the threat of people having to pay more taxes and some people in New Mexico getting an unsightly wall in their backyard, but I'm focusing on the bigger issues. That's right ladies, and gentlemen—Trumpocalypse.

It is safe to say that if Trump is elected America may descend into total chaos. I've read enough articles to know that most Trump rallies are cesspools of hate and ignorance, so I've developed a contingency plan for the imminent disaster that follows Donald Trump like a dark cloud. This plan comes complete with a Trump Emergency Action Kit, preparatory plans and essential items that you'll need to stock up on in case our nation goes to hell in a hand-basket.

Section I: Disaster Preparation

Time frame: 3 to 6 months before T.T.T. (Total Trump Takeover)

Part A: Establishing The Safe Haven

The closest, safest place to run to will obviously be Canada. However, if you aren't into winter you may be able to make it to California, where a Navy destroyer (stolen and piloted by the Rebel forces, of course) will be waiting to take refugees to that island from "Lost."

Part B: Cardio

Cardio will be essential to the Trumpocalypse Emergency Action Plan (EAP). Anyone who is not a straight, white male will need healthy lungs and a strong constitution when you're running from Trump's Storm Troopers. You may be running from cops, racists, people trying to deport you or just pissed off conservatives—either way cardio will help you stay alive until you can make it to The Safe Haven.

Part C: Arsenal Prep

Arm yourself with whatever weapons you can find. The non-Trump-supporting conservatives and Libertarians should stock up on ammunition and arm each member of their family with a firearm—yes the babies too. No one is safe from Trumpocalypse. Nonviolent liberals—I don't know what to tell you. Stock up on opinions? Use the pen as your sword? You know your strengths better than I do. Play to them. The point is: use whatever force is necessary to protect you and your kin from brain-washed zombie Trump-supporters and his Storm Troopers.

Section II: The Calm Before the Storm

Time frame: Election Day to February 1, 2017

This phase will occur right after the election. The world won't know what hit it for quite some time, and it'll take Trump at least a couple of months to piss off every world leader out there. This is your time to slowly, casually move your family farther and farther North (or West) without the government noticing what you're doing.

Part A: The Transfer

In this phase you'll begin to leave behind your life as an American citizen, and start your life as a Trumpocalypse nomad. I recommend purchasing an RV and selling anything you don't need. Also, start taking money out of your bank account. You won't want to leave a trail with your debit card, so cash is best. Also, menfolk, this is prime time to start growing out your badass apocalypse beard.

Delish.

Part B: Trump Emergency Action Kit

This should be a kit that you keep near you at all times in case the country goes straight to hell faster than anticipated. The kit should include:

- Sturdy shoes (i.e. hiking boots or running shoes)

- One complete change of clothes

- Canned food

- Self defense

- Water and water purifying tablets

- Small first aid kit (with pliers and a suture)

- Headlamp and batteries

- Small set of radios (to keep in touch with other group leaders)

- Fake documentation for the whole family (you'll need to completely wipe out your identity to make it more difficult for Donald Trump to track you down)

Note: the frequency for Trumpocalypse nomads should be channel 3. Use this frequency to find help and shelter.

Section III: The Takeover

World leaders are angry. World War III is imminent and nuclear warfare looms eerily on the horizon. Luckily for you, you've got your EAP, your emergency kit, your RV, and the lung capacity of a Navy SEAL. Now its time to follow one of two paths:

Path I: Flight

You've decided to give up on America, and rightly so. Our nation will probably never be the same again. It has been overrun by deranged Trump supporters, and there's also some sort of Hunger Games situation in the works. The television networks and internet connections have been seized by the dictator/president, and equality is now a sad, distant dream of the past. You gather your family into the RV, only a stone's throw from Canada, and prepare to make the last leg of the journey into that polite little paradise. Or maybe your family is a little more hardcore, and you decide to wing it on the island from "Lost." Either way, you are about to free yourself of the madness that is Trumpocalypse.

Path II: Fight, aka Operation Golden Thunder

You've decided to join the Rebel force. You can't just sit idly by while your country descends into an unrecognizable mass of chaos, and thank God because you're the hero we need. You've been doing your cardio, yes, but you've also kicked it up a notch with kickboxing classes, shooting practice and you finally cut your hair into a really badass Trump-Butt-Kicking 'do. You're made of grit, spit and concentrated moxie. You've probably got some really badass catch phrase too, like "Clean up on Aisle Five."

There you have it, the definitive contingency plan for Trump winning the election. Eat your vegetables, get plenty of rest and do your cardio. Better to be a crazy doomsday prepper than left for dead when the Trumpocalypse comes.