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Trump Picks Cookie Monster as Energy Secretary

This week in the news.

Benjamin Russo

Dec 12, 2016

Williamsburg, VA

Trump Picks Cookie Monster as Energy Secretary

http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Cookie_Monster

This week, President-Elect Donald Trump announced that he will nominate to his cabinet Cookie Monster as Secretary of Energy. While Cookie Monster was a leading choice for Mr. Trump, others in the running included Clifford the Big Red Dog and Monster's colleague Fozzie Bear. When asked about his selection of Cookie Monster, Mr. Trump said, "Cookie Monster was a no-brainer to me. The guy's got years of experience and I've always believed cookies will be a key source of the nation's energy in the future."

While Trump's selection of Cookie Monster has infuriated many of Trump's biggest donors who anticipated being picked for cabinet positions, Cookie Monster is already making plans for his time in office. He has discussed potential plans for a transcontinental chocolate pipeline and providing funding to move the nation's gas-powered cars to more sustainable cookie-fueled engines. As well, experts expect Monster to support off-shore drilling for cookie dough due to his long history working in the cookie dough lobby.

Although Cookie Monster is seen as an adequate fit for the position of Energy Secretary, Trump's selection is not short of its critics. Some worry that Monster's obsession with cookies may divert attention away from other renewable energy sources. "While I do enjoy a good cookie and cookies have potential in America's future renewable resources, I think the whole cookie thing is getting out of hand. What about ice cream or pie? These have a lot of potential, but Cookie Monster has turned his back on all of these viable options," said Big Bird. As well, Cookie Monster has a long history with private interests like the millions of dollars in campaign contributions he received from Chips Ahoy and Keebler in his 2008 Senate race.

It is unsure if Cookie Monster's next four years in the cabinet will see a major change in direction from the Obama Administration, but one thing is certain: cookies.

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Trump Picks Cookie Monster as Energy Secretary

This week in the news.

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The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

1. You feel like an elder.

2. You may feel lonely.

3. Senioritis is more real than ever.

4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

6. You are a college pro.

7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

9. You feel like a guru.

10. You continue to grow.

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