Daybreak: Saturday, September 14th, 2019
The loud buzzing noise of my alarm jolts me awake, and I find myself struggling to gain focus as my eyes slowly adjust to the blinding light of my alarm clock's display. Before I can make out the time, the buzzing fades and an all-too-familiar voice speaks over the radio: "Good morning! The time is 5:30 am on Saturday the 14th. Have a nice day at work! This alarm has been brought to you by NBC's The Apprentice, airing weekdays at 5, 7, and 9 pm." Leaving my radio on, I stumble through my dingy apartment to prepare myself for the day, while the daily broadcast of the National Anthem penetrates any thoughts still lingering in my brain.
Most people had been upset when President Trump signed a bill requiring a 6 day work week, but due to the reduction of the minimum wage in 2017 it was necessary for middle class citizens, such as myself, to work Monday in order to earn livable amounts of money. Working six 10 hour days a week was tough, but it built personal character and I'll be better for it, at least that's what Vice President Hulk Hogan said.
While I wait for my bread to finish being toasted, I read the label on the rest of the loaf: "This Department of Human Services' welfare sanctioned bread is brought to you by World Wrestling Entertainment." Upon reading this, I reflect upon how lucky I am to have the WWE as my main source of entertainment. And to think they're not even acting! Truly, I am lucky to live in a world where I can watch WWE on my Ultra Basic cable package from Comcast.
At 6:00, the hourly Fox News update interrupts the scheduled programming to give us the Fair and Balanced news of the past hour. Former Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has been the subject of media and public scrutiny for his controversial statements on Mexican immigrants, implying they're just like us Americans on a human level. It's easy to see why he fled to Switzerland last year; those comments certainly don't reflect the policies of the current administration.
As I climb into my 1996 Toyota, I'm greeted by the familiar gaze of the NSA security cameras on every street corner. It turns out, we had terrorists infiltrating our neighborhoods, spreading lies and propaganda about things such as gay marriage and abortion to undermine traditional American values. Thankfully, the NSA found many of them in the past few years, exposing them for what they were and interning them in camps where they couldn't infect America with their ideas.
As I pull into the parking lot, I hear some data on the upcoming election: Trump has a 89% approval rating with roughly one year before the next election. Things aren't looking good for the Democrats, but that's what happens when all of your candidates are exposed as dirty rotten Communists. Walking into work, I am joined by several coworkers, and a familiar sign welcomes us above the door:
"Work makes you free, in the land of the free!"
