Look around… Right now you are living your very own romantic comedy. Surrounded by dozens of people, under flattering low, multi-colored lights, you’re on screen, standing front and center next to the stage. The camera pans to your co-star. A heavenly spotlight is illuminating him because he’s the lead singer and guitarist of the band everyone is there to see. The music is pounding, and you can feel it in your chest, manipulating the rhythm of your heart beat. You sing along, knowing every word of every song because that sexy leading man on stage is yours.
When you’re dating a musician, this fantasy movie scene is your reality just about once every other weekend (and sometimes more). I’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty awesome… well, except for the fact that you might go prematurely deaf. (Word of advice – start wearing earplugs!) Seriously though, what girl doesn’t want to date the tall, dark, handsome and mysterious guy in a band? The 13-year-old teenybopper me of the past is pretty damn impressed by the man serenading present me with his acoustic guitar before bed. Plus, your ‘cool’ cred somehow goes automatically up when you say: “My boyfriend’s in a band.”
Being involved with a musician also means you are part of a very small, but very awesome music community. The “scene,” filled with talented musicians, their significant others, and avid fans and show-goers, becomes a circle of fun and diverse friends. Furthermore, your partners bandmates, and their significant others, become your family. You will never get tired of your playlist because you are always being introduced to new bands and music. Moreover, you’ll never be bored or lonely when you’ve got a musician on your arm.
Speaking of arms, yours will be toned! Going to shows every weekend, you get picked up in style, and by “style” I mean the band’s van, which is littered with empty bags of chips, decorated with stickers, is jam packed with people and gear, and that’s air conditioner is most likely broken. As such, you’ve gotten used to carrying equipment in and out of the venue as an honorary roadie. Despite being around it all the time, you probably still struggle to keep up with band talk. Music is another language that you may never learn to speak. Take my advice and nod in silent solidarity as you carry the “amazing new pedalboard with a new swollen pickle distortion.” Yeah, that’s a real thing, and please don’t ask because I have no idea what a pickle has to do with sound, whether it’s swollen or not.
Additionally, you have many titles and roles as a musician’s partner. You are a groupie (but the romantically monogamous kind), a photographer, a sound-checker, a promoter, a critique and even when you don’t want to be: a merch girl. Although you are pretty much the band’s entire support staff, you get little accolade other than free show admission and merchandise (which is actually pretty awesome!)
Dating a musician has some incredible perks; however, there are definitely some pretty sucky drawbacks. For one, you have to share your man with three to four other people. I’m not exaggerating when I say my boyfriend’s drummer messages and calls my partner more than I do. He even sends him some pretty funny risqué pics from time to time. The intricacies of a bandmates intimate relationship is seemingly a very odd and unspoken bond.
Practice! Practice! Practice! He’s always got practice. Even when you want to do something else, you have to respect and accept the weekly routine practice time. In the beginning (when he let you) it used to be a lot of fun to go. You felt that you were a part of the group with an inside scoop. Now, practice is either a very boring or very weird experience. When you’re not sitting on a make-shift amp-chair with your ears bleeding from the too-loud-too-close-up-speaker, listening to the 3rd set list song for the 4th time, you’re watching his childish interactions with his fellow band members. You will soon realize (if you haven’t already) that practice is his time and you’re better off staying at home.
He or she is always broke! The struggle of a starving musician is real. It is very rare that your partner ever “brings home” any significant amount of “bacon,” and even when he does, the cash gets filtered right back into band funds to buy more merch, pay for album recordings, or to fix the van’s air conditioner for the umpteenth time. You love him for richer or poorer, but you’re really hoping he’ll buy you something sparkly one day and stop spending on things like a “swollen pickle distortion.”
He is gone… a lot. You are constantly stuck in a balancing act between support and objection. You admire his dream and think he’s totally talented and deserves it, but you hate when he’s on the road touring for any length of time. You want to go with him, but you know the lifestyle of a squatting, state jumping musician just isn’t for you. You worry about his safety and happiness on tour and count the days until he gets back.
Dating musicians is a real struggle, but they are also some of the best partners to have. They open you up to a whole new world of creativity, friendship and love. Sharing them and supporting them, even when they’re gone and you’re worried, is worth it because face it, that flannel wearing, bearded stud starring in your cheesy romantic comedy is just too hard to resist.
