So many bodies pass through countless aisles in grocery stores across the world each day. The world of a market, on the surface, presents as merry as the 80’s pop music on the loud speaker. Not only does the food seem to be plentiful – but fresh, organic, and maybe even natural.
My experience isn’t exhaustive; yet it is just enough to know about another world existing inside of our super markets – the world from the perspective of the employees – especially the employees who watch and who listen. Here are 25 things you need to know about your grocery stores, for better, or for worse. Based on true stories.
1. We rotate products. Push the old; hide the new. Not all customers are sleuths, but a silent salute to those who know how the system works.
2. “Fresh” is a meaningless adjective. Shall I compare “fresh” eggs that come in a container of egg juice for salad bar to a “fresh” carton of berries that are molding?
3. Where does the corn come from? We don’t know. At least I don’t. I just stock it.
4. Would you park your car in the middle of the road? Don’t do the same with your cart, or else we might passively aggressively move it out of the way.
5. We cannot control the greenness of our bananas.
6. So much food is wasted because customers will refuse to buy apples with bruises, a bag of lettuce with one bad leaf, or a container of berries that has one bad bud. Does one weed ruin the whole garden? Can one grape spoil the entire bunch? Perhaps. Do we want to live judging others (people or berries) for only their flaws and not the remainder of character or flavor they maintain? Food for thought.
7. We don’t compost. Some of our non-seriously-perishables are donated, but otherwise, down the chute it goes.
8. Corn tastes the same even if the topmost segment looks arid. It is edible. If you rip it open, no one will buy it.
9. Buying your corn pre-packaged and shucked is a rip off and pure profit maker. Why spend five dollars for a five pack when you could buy five ears for $2.50? If you don’t want to shuck it I will do it for you.
10. We can clock out seven minutes early or seven minutes late – a dangerous game.
11. We (produce) don’t give free samples.
12. We eat the bakery or deli free samples, though.
13. Ask me where something is, and I can help, but I know just as much about the rest of the store as you do.
14. I’m a human too; you can make eye contact with me.
15. Don’t feel bad if you ruin my beautiful pyramid of apples – we build so that it can be destroyed.
16. A “sale” might not actually be a real discount.
17. If you leave your cart in the middle of the parking lot, someone will have to get it; even if you roll it into a gulch or medium sized ditch.
18. Please don’t eat fruit or vegetables before buying them. If you cannot resist eating the cherries, at least throw the pit away (don’t put it back in the bag).
19. “Do you have any Yukon gold potatoes?”I respond, “No. Sorry.” I can hear you when you say under your breath as you walk away: “Are you freaking kidding me, how do you not have these for the second week in a row. Come on.”
I was never a potato fairy.
20. We don’t receive discounts on in-store food products. No incentives encourage us to buy inward.
21. We have surveillance cameras, but no security guard.
22. The best time to shop is in the morning.
23. Avocados are not called alligator pears here.
24. Jicama. Don’t say the J; add an H.
25. There's no platform for employees to submit ideas to corporate to improve or innovate sales, performance, product, or layout.
