Okay, pause. If you clicked on this article hoping to unearth the perfect formula to lock down a guy, you're searching in the wrong place. Instead, you just stumbled upon some of the reasons why you shouldn't be searching at all. But please, don't close your browser tab; keep reading.
Dating in college is strange. It either rarely happens because everyone is seemingly content with having one night stands, or everyone is in a relationship and getting rings by spring. It varies by school and age, but there's a certain pressure we feel to find our significant other while we're barely 20-something. First of all, you have plenty of time, so if the ticking clock is what's driving you to find a lover, hold your horses. But if your motives involve self-validation, you should reevaluate.
It's a dark, dark place to be in if you find your worth in someone else. Other people will always let you down, and boyfriends are no exception. Even if he really loves you, he's not perfect, and he can't be expected to carry the weight of making you love yourself. He will make mistakes. He won't live up to all your expectations. He will lack tact sometimes and hurt you. And possibly, eventually, you might break up, and then how good do you think you'll feel about yourself? I've been in that dark place before, and it's dangerous. I remember being told that I needed to learn how to be by myself and learn how to be whole and happy without anyone else doing it for me. At the time, I dismissed the advice. Later, however, I realized that my self confidence had spent an entire relationship on crutches, dependent on someone else, and it took a while to learn how to walk freely. It was unhealthy.
If you're searching for a guy, you should instead search for yourself. Looking for someone requires a certain effort that you shouldn't have to make to find your significant other. It means trying a little harder, and sometimes compromising yourself to fit the standards of someone else. If you clicked on this because you're really looking for a foolproof way to get a guy, you're obviously trying methods that aren't your own. In fact, you shouldn't even have to have methods. Finding someone should come naturally. Your future mate should meet you as you wholly are, with all your quirks and imperfections, and love you for them, but you have to love them first. Discover what you love about yourself, and try to make sure over half of them are non-physical traits. Maybe you're wildly driven and can accomplish anything you set your mind to, or maybe you're a riot who has the ability to make people smile when they need it most, or maybe you have an awesome passion to work with children, or maybe you're at your most content when you're writing poetry. Focus on the positives and decide how you define yourself. You can't wait around for a knight in shining armor to fix you and make you whole. If you have cracks, you have to fill them on your own with self-love. Your confidence simply isn't sustainable if it's patched up by someone else; it will fall apart as soon as the relationship does.
You deserve to have an amazing spouse one day who loves and appreciates you. You deserve to have the love life you've been dreaming about since you made your wedding Pinterest board in high school. You deserve to be happy, so go out and find your happy. You don't have to look any further than yourself for it.
