"Basically, I wrote this song kinda putting myself in the mindset of like, 14-year-old Troye and 15-year-old Troye and I was like 'Dude, you're most likely homosexual.' ... I literally am the gay agenda in human form" - Troye Sivan speaking at the House of Blues Boston (2/29/16)
In the preview video for "HEAVEN", a lot of the song's message is portrayed through visual means. Even though we the viewer and the listener only hear a snippet of the song, the mere depictions of gay activism through the years, from gay pride parades to tragic news stories of hate crimes against homosexuals to the Supreme Court ruling of the US legalization of gay marriage, tell the message of what Troye wants to say without a single lyric from the song: it's OK to be open about being gay.
In an interview with Larry King, Sivan stated that "HEAVEN" was his favorite song that he wrote for the Blue Neighborhoodalbum and it happened to be "the only song, funny enough, that [he] wrote about the coming out process." With songs like "WILD", "BLUE", and "TOO GOOD" talking the aspects of a love life, a song like "HEAVEN" stands out thanks to the depth and seriousness of its topic. In its preview video, Troye's acceptance of being gay made him ponder questions about his future life being a homosexual. Most importantly for him, as he remarked while looking back at that time as an adolescent, if he were gay, he thinks about the possibility that that would allow him a chance for heaven and if not, he might not want heaven after all. Troye calls Australia his home, but his acceptance of being gay contrasted with Australia's banning of same sex marriage in 2004 challenged the notion that his own home was a heaven to him. Right now, the country has still not legalized gay marriage and stemming from the country's passage of the Marriage Amendment Act, it does not look like it will change. Would that truly be Troye's home, a country that essentially disallows homosexuals? The song "HEAVEN" tells the story of how to get into a sanctuary with changing a single bit of one's personality and if acceptance is denied, then that sanctuary isn't needed. The lyrics begin with:
Like a tear down a cheek
Trying to save face, and daddy heart break
I'm lying through my teeth
In this verse, Troye sings about lying to himself just to make his father and his family happy. While the intent of faking his own personality to appease his flesh and blood may seem sound, it is not sound to Troye's inner being as this is not himself. Creating a facade of what his family expects him to be does not sit well with the personal turmoil that Troye faces. It is this turmoil that drives Troye to ask these personal, yet serious questions.
The number 15 becomes an essential part of song, especially when regarding Troye's situation. When writing this song, Troye has remarked that he had to think as his 15-year-old self in order to conjure up his personal feelings at the time. Being fifteen while making these hard decisions about his future life was a major part of his maturing. Sivan exemplifies being an adult before his time even though he was merely an adolescent. He sings "So I'm counting to fifteen" repeatedly as part of the bridge to emphasize the age that he encounters this turmoil in order to make a statement on how the youth can face life-defining choices. Not only that, but the phrase "So I'm counting to fifteen" and the repetitive, yet relaxing way it is said presents the phrase as a sort of coping mechanism. It's Troye's way of saying that hard times won't last and anyone can make it through. All you need is your own self-confidence with no fear of any repercussions.
In an interview with WiLD 94.9, a radio station in San Francisco, Sivan talks about not having someone to turn to when he wanted to contemplate about his homosexuality. Also, he remarks that if he were not accepted by his family or his closest friends, he knows that there's still a place and community out there, like pride parades or homosexual accepting countries like Norway that will accept him no matter who he is. The chorus of "HEAVEN" alludes to this as Troye sings:
How do I get to heaven?
All my time is wasted
Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh
So if I'm losing a piece of me
Maybe I don't want heaven?
As told in multiple interviews, Troye gained the confidence to come out after watching many coming out videos. Those were the impetus for his own coming out video and he has said before that he wishes to help people to not be afraid and be brave about their sexuality. "HEAVEN" is one of the ways Troye uses to influence people that are in the same situation as him. For a 20-year-old, he has already become a great role model for people in the LGBT community to follow. I'm 20 years old and I can't fathom the amount of responsibility Troye has not only in the music sense but also in the social sense. It really makes me feel like I haven't done anything my whole life, but I do admire Troye for his bravery and his willingness to stick through it all. Hearing his thoughts on writing the song and the intent of it has made me grow an immense appreciation for the young kid and I really hope he becomes an icon in the future. If Troye can come out and have no fear, then other people can as well.
