Yaaaaas, our 365 days of 2015 are quickly coming to an end, and that’s really not a bad thing. You probably remember waking up on New Year's Day and thinking, “New year, new me,” tweeted that, instagrammed a picture of you and your #Squad from the night before, and then attempted to make a New Year's resolution that, at first, I’m certain you felt really passionate about. But as the cold days of January went on, you slowly but surely deviated from your initial plan of action, aka your gym membership, entirely.
First of all, that dress was black and blue, and if you think it was white and gold, I’m sure I’m not the first person to tell you that you need to get your sight checked. But being that that photo was some type of illuminati mystery, your sight is probably fine, and you were more than able to witness the left shark at the Super Bowl, the sign at Chipotle that apologized about the carnitas, and every girl’s on fleek eyebrows in their #selfiesunday posts.
Which by the way—since when do we need to dedicate a day of the week to posting a picture of yourself or someone else? Man crush Monday? Woman crush Wednesday? Throwback Thursday? Just post the damn picture, save your justifications for yourself, and hope you’ll break 100 likes. Sheesh.
But along with all of these trends that we have all given our attention to this year, there are some horrible trends that began or flourished in the year of 2015. Here are the ones that absolutely need to get off the trend train in 2015, and stay there. Forever.
Man Buns That Are Not Man Buns
“What is that on your…is that a samurai bun? Can you even develop a thought in your head when your hair is so suction-cupped into that little hair tie? You don’t even have to tell me if it hurts or not, it definitely does, and the sight of it is hurting me all over.”
Do not force man buns. They are a work of nature and if you have long enough hair to gently pull back into a voluptuous bun, I love you and I want you to pursue me. Also, if you are a part of the 4 percent of men who had a man bun before it was cool, you’re an inspiration to us all. Never change nor cut your hair.
Netflix and Chill
Nononononono. Just please, no. Stop asking people to Netflix and Chill. We all get it; we know it’s a clever way of asking someone to spoon with you while enjoying our favorite TV comedy that will eventually lead to something that is not "Netflix" nor "chill" at all. Plus, you’re never going to know how the episode you were watching ended, and that’s an issue that could potentially haunt you for years.
The Obsession with "Butt Stuff"
“Hey ‘lil mama, lemme whisper in your ear, tell you something that involves something you probably won’t enjoy in your rear.”
When has it ever been okay to…like, with or without permission? You’ve definitely talked about this topic a number of times this year, whether you’re pro-butt or anti-butt. It’s a sick obsession that I no longer want to have mental images of next year, or any year after that, for that matter.
Watch Me/The Nae Nae
Or what I like to call, the most annoying song I’ve ever heard in my life. And as if the song wasn’t bad enough, all of the vines of elementary school children partaking in the dance are utterly unbearable. Stop nae naeing. Can we just go back to, I don’t know, cranking that Soulja Boy? That was fun—let’s do that.
# Goals
From #RelationshipGoals, to #SquadGoals, to #LifeGoals, to #LeftPinkyToeGoals, we get it. Your life sucks and you want the life of some Tumblr couple that has probably broken up by now, Kim and Kanye, The Kardashians as a whole, and some random guy who owns a beautiful house on the West Coast that was photographed by some hipster photographer and is now on your timeline. We understand these are your #goals—maybe just, keep that to yourself.
Vaping
To clarify—I understand that some people have taken up vaping to help them quit smoking cigarettes, cool, whatever. But, vaping is by no means cool. It’s actually kind of weird, and how big it is becoming is super annoying and confusing to many. You’re really not impressing anyone at all with your large clouds and smoke tricks and "cloud clubs" or whatever you people call them, if that’s what you vapists are going for.
"Moist" Hate
You don’t actually hate the word, "moist," society just does these days and you decided to hop on the bandwagon. This has been ongoing for a while now—but it's time needs to be up. What is truly so bad about moist? Moist cakes are awesome; they practically melt in your mouth. In fact, I would love myself a moist-a** cake right this very second.
The "50 Shades of Grey" Movie
The book was a good read back in 2011, but the movie ruined absolutely everything. So bland, so blah—really could have gone without seeing that flick, with my parents, nonetheless. I definitely felt some types of ways after seeing the movie, but they were just hungry and let down. But what’s annoying about this is that people obsess over it, like it was actually good or something. Just post that you’re into some weird, potentially dangerous types of sex if you want people to see that you wish you had a Christian Grey, and call it a day. I’m sure if you do partake in some light to moderate to heavy BDSM, you are ashamed by the movie and have considered making a movie of your own, so, do not let us down again.
Big Lips
“Hey, does this angle make my lips look big? Like, elephantitis, completely unnatural, may-have-gotten-hit-in-the-face-with-a-softball, type big? Yeah? Perfect! Thanks, girl.”
Injections or just excessive lip liner…. I’m sorry your parents didn’t bless you with huge luscious lips. And let's not even discuss the Kyle Jenner lip challenge, we all remember that traumatic week. Anywho, I can’t lie; some girls can do their makeup so well that you cannot tell it’s just over lining your lips with lip liner—if that’s you, you rock. If that’s not you, please just stick to the lips you’ve had your whole life. They are literally a part of you, and you two have been through many long days together, so stop trying to make them something they are not.
And there you have it, all of the trends you grew to hate this year and were lucky enough to forget about, I just reminded you of, and you are welcome.
But, in a few weeks, with some hard work and determination we can successfully delete these happenings from our memory, and open our minds to the trends that will come with the New Year. New year, new me, right? Anything is possible.
Surely enough, some things did go down in 2015 that were not horrific, and I would like for them to continue on into the new year, there are also some things that have not yet happened, and I would be pleasantly surprised if they did. So, 2016, bring me the following:
Time machines
Monmouth Basketball bench vines
A new age of Beliebing
Find My Car Keys app
Use of Bitmojis
Peanut butter baby Vines
Lots of men wearing these
