Summertime is upon us again, and I personally am mentally preparing for the onslaught of high-waisted shorts and crop tops that has been stalking the earth for the last three years. When high-waisted shorts first started gaining popularity, I think I was a junior in high school, and quite wary of shorts that didn't run the risk of exposing my ass crack when I sat down. Shorts that cover your belly button? Surely not! But in time, as is so often the case, once I started seeing them on my peers I decided that they were the height of fashion.

Needless to say, I promptly ran out and bought myself several pairs. But what to wear with them? I mused. A long shirt will defeat the purpose of their avant-garde -- or perhaps more accurately, recycled 70's style -- waistband; tucking a shirt in is simply not done in high school. Enter the crop top: the ultimate companion for the high-waisted short. And so, I -- along with countless other female teenagers and young adults -- was seen in nothing but high-waisted shorts and crop tops for at least two consecutive summers.

And yet, even the most basic knowledge of aesthetics should tell us that this trend is not flattering, not in the least. It makes even the best of bodies look dumpy, and the dumpiest of bodies look like a sack of potatoes. If you're short waisted, your waistband is suddenly an inch below your boobs, and if you're long waisted, your "high-waisted" shorts sit awkwardly just below your belly button. If you have a nice ass, your "bubble butt" asset turns into an elongated pancake, and if you have a flat ass (I speak from personal experience here), you'll have enough room for a small cushion in the seat of your pants.

As for the crop top that you're no doubt wearing with your shorts, it too has little appeal. As I mentioned in my College Fashion article, they look trashy with low-waisted shorts, but, to be honest, they don't fare much better with a higher waistband. Girls with a gut, a few extra rolls, or a bit of a muffin top tend to use high-waisted shorts as a form of camouflage that allows them to wear the crop top that they never before risked; unfortunately, this outfit sometimes has the opposite effect and actually draws attention to problem areas.

And whatever the reason may be, even the skinniest of girls seem to look heavier when wearing high-waisted shorts and cropped shirts. Take Kylie Jenner, for example -- despite having the arguably shittiest personality on TV, she has an undeniably great bod ... but in high-waisted shorts, her thighs take on the appearance of an inverted triangle:

Evil, unflattering things, they are. I don't know what it is about high-waisted shorts and crop tops, specifically, that is so terrible -- high-waisted pants can look great, as can crop tops paired with skirts, and even shirts tucked into high-waisted shorts, like these:

So it's not just the high waistband that does it, nor the crop top; no, it's something about the two together that spawns a god awful fashion blunder. Perhaps it's the overabundance of shredded, daisy duke (maternity edition)-esque DIYs, for which there is no better a term than "diaper shorts":

Yeah...

That's how I feel too, Simon.

Or maybe it's just the fact that I've seen way too many middle schoolers in varying stages of awkward puberty abusing this look. I couldn't find a visual of this on google (and the key phrase "middle school girls wearing high waisted shorts" probably put my laptop on the sex offender alert list) but if you've been to the shore boardwalk past 9 p.m. at any point over the last three years, you know what I mean.

I don't have anything else to say on this matter, so I'll end my rant here in the hopes that this ghastly trend has seen its demise by the end of summer 2016.