I am a woman.

I am a headstrong, determined, passionate, and lively woman.

Most importantly, I am a woman who loves herself.

But it hasn’t always been this way and I know that I am not alone when I say that it is easier to nitpick at our flaws, faults, and imperfections than it is to see the beauty that we possess.

I have always struggled with how I perceive myself. I never felt good enough. For what, I cannot exactly specify. For the boys whose attention I couldn’t keep, for the friends who seemed to be accomplishing so much when I was stuck in a rut, for the strangers who hadn’t given me the time of day, even for myself.

I spent so much of my younger life beating myself up until I decided to make a change. This change wasn’t a good one, and it wasn’t until I looked in the mirror months later that I realized just how much my obsession was taking a toll on my life. I can remember stepping on the scale every day and crying because I hadn’t lost any weight. Even when I began to drop the weight, I still thought that it wasn’t enough, that I could be doing more. In the summer, I would wait to run until it was midday and the sun was blaring high in the sky and the humidity was at an extreme. During the school year, I would wake up at four in the morning so I could get my run in before school. I became picky with what I ate—me, the girl who loved food, would resort to eating carrots, celery, and reduced fat Wheat Thins. It wasn’t healthy; I wasn’t healthy.

The scariest part is that even after I lost all of that weight, I didn’t love myself. I hated myself. When I stepped on the scale and realized that I weighed only a few more pounds than I did in elementary school, I knew it was time to make a change. Not for the boy, not for my friends, not for those strangers I don’t know yet, but for me. It was time for me to learn to love myself.

Whose standards was I trying to live up to? Who was I trying to impress? I know no one had ever outright said to me, “Cheyenne, you are not good enough.” Actually, there was one person.

Myself.

We are our biggest critics. If we don’t learn how to love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to love us? How will they know how to love us when we can’t even accept our own love?

I learned that happiness comes with balance, with moderation, with awareness. I finally embraced what our generation recognizes as the #treatyoself mentality. I took the time to truly get to know myself and figure out what I enjoyed, what I desired, what I really needed. When life gets chaotic and I find myself thinking negative thoughts about myself and my self-worth, I take a step back and use that time and energy instead to treat myself. Some days, I eat a scoop (or two) of ice cream. Other days, I lace up my sneakers and take a solitary walk through the woods with my camera. I nap if I am exhausted, I lay out my yoga mat and breathe if I am overwhelmed, I draw a bubble bath and grab my favorite book off the shelf if I need to relax.

We have to learn how to treat ourselves with love, with kindness, with relaxation and rejuvenation. We need it, we deserve it—we have earned it.

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.” – C. JoyBell C.