Making friends can be a complicated thing. Especially if you have a physical disability. Especially if you’re on a college campus where everyone is looking to do their “good deed for the day.”
Cedarville is a friendly place with well-meaning people, though sometimes it’s easy to get uncomfortable as a person with a visible physical disability. As Christians, most Cedarville students want to love and respect other people as image-bearers of God. However, the way they carry out their intentions can end up being, well, awkward.”
People tend to have a notion that they should be extra nice to people around disabilities. They want to feel like a better person. As an introvert, I’m fine if I don’t talk to anyone except my roommate and maybe one or two good friends all day. That's why it can feel awkward that there are many people who know me who I don't really know back.
I don’t want to say that I am not open to making new friends, but I am only open to making new friends in an organic way. Are you involved in the student newspaper with me? Do you live in my unit? Do we have classes together? Do we go to the same church? Even if none of these apply to our potential friendship, do we have similar interests? Most importantly, would you honestly invest in a friendship with me if I did not have a physical disability? It’s okay if the answer is no, and if the answer is no, that does not mean there has to be animosity between you and me. We can still be polite and respectful of one another, but you don’t have to go out of your way to be nice to me. Just treat me like you would treat any other acquaintance.
My intention is not to scare anyone anyway from talking to me, but rather make them feel more relaxed. It's awkward when you overthink my disability. Please underthink it. Don't stare at me, don't baby talk me and don't help me when I verbalize that I don't need help. Of course, there are times when your help is valuable, but please ask me first if your help would be valuable in a particular situation.
I am not saying I am suspicious of everyone who calls me a friend, I am blessed to have many genuine friends. I will even admit that some of those friendships started out as awkward interactions, which is why I try to be patient and keep in mind that people have to meet me somehow in order to learn that I’m a normal and (usually) chill person.
Still, if you’re only saying hi to me or walking across campus with me so you can feel good about yourself at the expense of making me feel uncomfortable, is that really showing love to me? However, if you think that maybe behind my disability you may find a friendly, fun person to hang out with and are willing to consider investing in a deeper friendship, then nice to meet you.
