I just wanted to be like other couples, we were in the mall walking, shopping like other couples. But we had had a fight earlier, and another one the day before and the day before that. All we ever did was fight and all he ever did was shut me down, silenced me. I could feel myself slipping away, I felt the child in me grasp tightly onto my fingertips before being ripped away for good, that day I lost the last bit of me that I still had. I just wanted to know, it felt empty, this "love" we shared, the "perfect couple" felt more like predator and prey. I didn't want to be the prey anymore. So, I asked, why do you do this, we are we like this? I just wanted to talk about all the horrific things, I did not understand how this was love, but he swore he loved me. He also made it clear he loved hurting me even more, mocked me for being weak, told me I'd never leave no matter what he did to me. That day I was feeling brave. I lost everything that day, the little bit of comfort I still had was ripped away. Have you ever stared death in the face? Closed your eyes and silently said goodbye to everyone. Had to fight for yourself and saw yourself losing. Inching closer and closer to the end. All those times you swore someone would swoop in and save you diminished, swept away. Realizing nobody was coming and you had to save yourself. The fear, the ice chilling fear of not knowing if you'll die quickly or if it would be a slow death. In a matter of seconds, I thought about all the different ways I would die as he drove closer and closer to the little ramp attached to the bridge on the highway. He was picking up speed, we'd been fighting. I tried to turn the music down he hit my hand away, at one point I tried to grab at the wheel, something, he smashes my head into my window shoving me away. Saying you made me do this, this is your fault. I am going to kill us both, you don't love me. I never saw this for myself. Never wanted it. I thought about all the fights I'd been having with my family. Thought about how they'd never get to understand why I'd been so miserable and mean. How I'd never get to fix it or grow up and watch everyone else grow. I went low, I said everything I had to, to survive. All I wanted to do was take a chance and hope he died, and I didn't. Instead I told him I loved him, talking about potential kid's names, talked about our future. I didn't physically die that day, but the person within was gone. He took me to his house and did as he pleased to me. I laid there, dead. He took me home later, all I wanted to do was tear off my skin, boil it, cleanse it. My brother and his friends were on the couch in the front room. I put on a smile, said hello and went upstairs. I showered and scrubbed myself raw. Tore at my skin until I saw blood and wept for all that had been lost.