For years I have become numb to any kind of emotion. Even my family agreed I was heartless.
It felt like my heart disappeared on me. I was so scared I'd never feel anything again. Anytime I would try to explain this to someone they didn't much understand what I meant. I couldn't feel happiness, sadness, and even anger was dull. I know some of you may think this would be Heaven on Earth because you are always being hurt, but this honestly worried me.
I tried talking to multiple people to spark something in me, but it never worked. I ended up just dragging them along which wasn't fair so I stopped all together. I tried to do things that scared the crap out of me, but that didn't work either. I would watch or read the most sad things I could find, but no tears. Until...
Within recent months my heart decides to come back stronger than ever. I have met beautiful human beings that I thank God every day they were brought into my life. I am crying with happiness over moments in my life. I even started to feel for someone. Which actually brings me to my problem.
I've sank into a depression again because my heart is feeling so hurt. I know time is what manages this, but I am feeling so anxious and impatient about not feeling this hurt. I'm frightened I may stop feeling altogether again. Which would be amazing right now considering how low I am at the moment. I don't want this to take me down, but I can feel it swallowing me. Today I feel so trapped in my mind. I've tried almost everything to get me out, but I'm like a zombie.
How can a single human being affect another like this so strongly?
