Two weeks living with my mom, and I was about to go insane. Every day she has woken me up at the crack of dawn, and today was no different. She made me a huge breakfast, and she insisted on helping me pick out an outfit to wear for my meeting with the publishers. I left her alone in my closet, probably not the best decision, so I could go take a shower. I just wanted some peace and quiet, so I could pray. I had come up with a few ideas for a book, but none of them were what was in my heart. I asked God for guidance as I washed up and dried off.

When I left the bathroom in my robe I saw an outfit laying on my bed. None of it came from m closet, so I asked my mom where it came from. She proceeded to tell me that she saw it a week ago, and she thought it was the perfect outfit for my meeting. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but the dress had more flowers than my front yard, and the cardigan was an awful shade of orange that even prisoners wouldn't wear. I smiled sweetly and pulled the outfit I had planned on wearing. It was a navy blue pencil skirt that stopped just at my knee and a mint green blouse with three quarter length sleeves. I could tell by the look on my mother's face, that if I didn't wear her outfit, she would be upset. I put my skirt and blouse away, and proceeded to put on the flowered dress.

As I walked into my meeting, I could see the way they looked at my dress. All of them knew me well enough to know I'd never wear something like that on my own.

"I see your mom is still staying with you." Said my manager, Annabeth.

I replied, "Very funny. Get all the laughs out now."

Everyone smiled at me, trying not to laugh, but they couldn't help themselves. I laughed as well; I mean, it was pretty funny. After the laughter calmed down, the publishers got right down to business. I pitched them the ideas I had, and, as I was afraid of, they shot them all down.

James said, "They're good ideas, but there's no passion behind them."

"Yeah," Stacy interjected, "it doesn't feel like any of them are what you really want to write about."

"Is there anything else?" asked James.

James and Stacy Martinez were the best publishers I could have asked for. They played a huge role in the success of my first book, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. I know they just wanted what was best for me, but I had no other ideas. Well, I had one, but it didn't fit my image, so I knew it was better not to ask. "Honestly, nothing good." I answered. "I've been praying so hard, and I've been writing down every idea I can think of, but nothing feels right."

"Here's what we'll do." said Stacy. "We'll give you one more month. Call us along the way if you need help or advice, but it one month if you don't have the first the chapter of a book, we're going to have to focus on someone else."

James added, "You'll always have a job editing for our firm, but we can only give you so much time. Of course, you'll always be welcome to write a book to submit to us, but we can't build on the momentum of your first book forever."

I nodded my head, and Stacy and James left the room. I knew they were right. I needed a new book, and I needed it fast. Writing about my current struggles would have the most passion, but it would never be what they were looking for.

Annabeth gave me a sympathetic look and said, "Mitchy, you'll figure this out. You have an amazing gift, and God wouldn't have blessed you with it if He didn't want you to use it."

"I know, Annabeth, but I have so much going on right now with my family. I love my mom to death, and I know I invited her, but she's driving me crazy. I went to see my dad a couple of weeks ago, and he's made at me for siding with my mom. My greedy cousin is bleeding him dry. How am I supposed to write a book in the middle of all of this drama?"

"Have you prayed about it?" She asked.

"Of course I have, and you saw the ideas I came up with." I answered.

"Maybe that's the problem. Those were ideas you came up with. What about God's ideas?" She asked me.

"Annabeth, I love you, but I can't do this right now." I said. "I'll call you later."

I climbed into my car just as the tears came. Annabeth didn't understand. No one did, and no one would. I wanted to write the truth so desperately, but I couldn't. I cried out to God with everything I had in me. I didn't understand why the harder I tried, the more my world fell apart. I started my car, but I was too upset to drive. In that moment I was the most broken I had ever been.

All of a sudden a song came on the radio by Casting Crowns. I knew the song very well, but for the first time the lyrics started to sink in. They applied to my life in every possible way. I began to sing along with everything in me, and I could feel peace begin to wash over me. I knew what I had to do, what God wanted me to do. I put my car into drive and headed home. The next month was going to be hard, but I held tight to the lyrics of the song, "Just Be Held."