Over the last few months, I have learned that transparency is the substance of which healthy relationships are made. I’ve shared this opinion with friends and a few of them seemed perplexed and one gem even asked me what I meant. What I mean is this; transparency makes life so much easier.

Being transparent doesn’t necessarily mean telling all of your business to the world. To me, it means doing your very best to try not to hide information and behaviors that would be otherwise vital to maintaining a healthy relationship. We live in a day and age where relationships are getting increasingly difficult to maintain and I believe that a large part of that is due to a universal feeling of distrust. People are afraid of being used, being manipulated, being lied to, or being abandoned. What’s worse is that so many of us are afraid of being judged harshly for our pasts and for our behaviors.

Being transparent helps with all of that. If we all embody a spirit of transparency, these are things we won’t have to worry about. When your intentions are clear and you expose your feelings, things tend to go well or at the very least you avoid an unpleasant surprises. It is way better than hiding your intentions and feelings or manipulating your way to getting what you want. Because that’s typically what ends up happening.

Now, a friend of mine told me that her ideal image of a relationship is one where she doesn't necessarily have to verbally express her feelings--that her partner should be able to detect certain things and I don’t disagree. At a certain point, partners can definitely develop that silent communication but it takes time and that time should be spent openly communicating. And that transparent, open communication leads the way to a happier relationship. The problem with not being transparent is that when you hide your feelings or are indirect about them, you end up taking a round about what to getting what you want and that leads down a path of rampant manipulation. And rampant manipulation can destroy a relationship. This is the case in romantic and platonic relationships

So for all my friends who are afraid of being hurt -- just try to be transparent. Have that open dialogue and build those true, honest connection that make for happy living. All of my best friendships right now are composed of transparent conversations with little to no misunderstandings are petty arguments. It makes having friends a hell of lot easier. Transparency really does work.