In high school, I used to think that as long as I had a grade that was higher than one person, I would be okay. But surprisingly, college didn't have the same expectations.
College wasn't about who had the highest GPA, it wasn't about who was the smartest person in the room or even who could answer the most questions… it was different. For once I didn't have to be the best, but rather be happy with doing the best things for me.
College was a place where happiness actually meant more than just winning or being the best. It was a whole new ballpark for me.
"How was I even supposed to know what I wanted to do?" No one had ever asked me that before. Of course, I had heard about high-paying careers and jobs that involved more work than play, but how was I supposed to know that's what I wanted to do? I was never concerned about the money because I knew I would do what it took to provide for myself.
But, how could I measure what happiness in a career choice looked like? There was no number scale to measure the joy I would get. I had to actually figure out how to be happy with something other than an 'A' on a test.
Granted, I still haven't navigated what career I want to spend my life in and something in me will always be indecisive on what even makes me happy. But I will say the first step of getting out of the competition mindset was the hardest. I still fight time, deadlines, and a ton of assignments, but it doesn't matter as much that I gave a better PowerPoint than someone else or even if I got one more answer correct on my test than them because I am my own competition.
I conquered high school with a diploma, but what really is the prize of life and how do you even know if you've won?
Sometimes I hope to know what the winner's circle of life looks like. But for now, I think I like the view better from the stands as I just figure out what my "now what" moment is in life.
