Over the past year, I have really come to appreciate the people in my life that are in it for the long haul. I have realized that the kinds of people I really need to have in my life are those who aren’t in it for what they can receive from me. Real friends genuinely want to be in my life because they value my friendship and care about my well-being. However, sometimes it’s hard to recognize those people. Often, we end up chasing relationships that we think will give us the belonging we are looking for and are then let down when they abandon us. It can be extremely hard when someone you thought was so awesome ends up not being around for the long haul.
So, how do you identify real friends if they seem so great on the outside? How do you recognize the friendships that are going to last and be there for you even in the hard times? Here are a few things to look for in your relationships that indicate the presence of authenticity.
1. They ask you how you’re doing.
People who genuinely care about you are going to want to know how your life is going. When they ask you how you are, it won’t be in the form of a greeting. This will be a little more formal and will be set aside from regular conversations. They will care about your struggles and have a willingness to help you through them. Real friends won’t abandon you because you’re going through a difficult time. They’ll notice when you’re tired and disconnected. However, unlike many people, they will do whatever it takes to encourage and inspire you until you are feeling like yourself again, which leads me to the next trait.
2. They are honest with you.
Real friends know you and will be able to tell when you are not acting like yourself. They will notice when something in your life is causing you pain and/or anxiety and will tell you when you’re making a bad decision. They will give you honest feedback even if it hurts because they would hate to see you go through even more heartache by making a bad choice. Those are the kinds of people who you need in your life. You need people who are going to be straight with you rather than flatter you and sugarcoat stuff in order to make themselves seem nicer.
3. Their actions line up with their words.
I’ve known several people who will talk all day long about how grateful they are to have someone in their lives. They say things like, “God is really using you in my life and I’m so thankful for our friendship.” Or, “You’re one of my closest friends.” Even, “No one has ever been this good of a friend to me.” However, when they lose interest in the person, they’re gone. What happened to being best friends? What happened to the sense of unity and friendship they spoke so highly about?
People you actually need to have in your life will treat you well. They won’t say you’re their closest friend, and then not talk to you for three weeks. They will make an effort to communicate with you, even if they are busy. These are the people that will put you before something else because they care that much about the friendship. They won’t leave when something better comes along. Most likely, they’ll ask you to join them in that better journey.
Take a step back and look at the people who are currently in your life. Do any of them possess these characteristics? If so, don’t ever let them go. Invest more in those friendships because they’re golden. Also, do some self-examination and ask yourself if you possess these characteristics. A huge factor in finding good friends is making sure that you are the type of friend you are looking for. Don't spend so much time chasing the “cool kids” that you miss people in your life that can become lifelong companions.
