The solace that Trader Joe’s offers me can be likened to that of a religion. The ritual of shopping there is soothing; I have a mission upon entry. The layout of the store is quite nearly the same in every location, similar to the guiding principles of Christianity. Samples are doled out with selfless generosity every day – and might I add they are not sh*tty cut up fruit samples like the ones at other grocers – and like Holy Communion, they inspire an overwhelming sense of happiness and satisfaction within myself, so much so that I take four more claiming they are for my Mom, Dad, brother and dog.

In Trader Joe’s, I discover myself. Just as the grace of God is unparalleled, so is the selection of TJ's frozen goods. Dumplings, pot stickers, garlic fries, sweet potato gnocchi, chicken tikka masala, mac n’ cheese bites, cookie butter cheesecake (in bite and non-bite form), pigs in a blanket (really called parmesan pastry pups), not to mention a wide selection of veggie burgers make star (of David?) appearances in their freezers (sorry). A frozen pizza from TJ’s can never do you wrong either.

The holiday seasons at Trader Joe’s is a miracle second only to Jesus rising from the dead. Tired of eating and drinking things pumpkin spiced because they taste like sh*t? My advice – it would be a tragedy to let the fact that Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes taste like vom prevent you from entering the world that is pumpkin flavored things at Trader Joe’s. If the honey roasted pumpkin ravioli is not the meal I have on my death bed, I will be one unhappy woman. The magic doesn’t stop with fall-related products, however. The candy cane flavored Joe-Joe’s (aka knock-off Oreos) give the real deal true competition, and do not pass up the dark chocolate mini stars.

All I’m saying is that despite the fact that Hurricane Matthew only offered Winston-Salem a bit of blustery winds and inconvenient rain, you can bet I still used it as an excuse to create an impressive Joe’s stockpile. I could go on; I could tell you how their trail mix uses craisins instead of raisins and how the dark chocolate peanut cups are the greatest little delights of sunshine that could possibly reach your lips. However, the wonders of Trader Joe’s cannot be fully understood and experienced unless you are willing to accept its gifts. So I urge you, let TJ in. I have and I have never looked back (past behind me like a ponytail @WholeFoods your price point sucks).

For the record: This is not sponsored. @TraderJoes notice me.

Also for the record: Do not mean to demean or insult any person’s religious values in any way.