After purchasing a $300 Game of Thrones action figure from his favorite online store, avid toy collector, James Hall, finally came to the realization that he will die hopelessly alone. Until now, Hall has shamelesly spent thousands of dollars on a variety of different toys and collectibles without thinking about the effect his collection is having on his chances of finding companionship. However, after logging into his online dating profile and despairingly checking his barren inbox, Hall now knows it is time to phone it in:

“I guess I just always thought that one day I would find a girl who loved action figures as much as I do. Unfortunately, girls don’t like action figures. Kids like action figures, but that doesn’t really do me any good now does it?”

Hall proceeded to wipe away a single tear that fell from his right cheek, before sharing a few dating stories with members of the media, who were doing their best not to laugh at his complete collection of Lord of the Rings Barbies, that were on display throughout his home. The toy fanatic went on to describe his romantic faliures in great detail, while doing his best to ignore the giggling interviewers:

“It’s the weirdest thing; I’ve met some really beautiful women. We’ve had some great dates and I’ve even brought them back to my house. But every time they see my limited edition, life size, model of Predator, they leave. I’ll say, that Predator fellow really know’s how to suck the sexual tension out of a room.”

Despite his lack of romantic sucess, Hall maintains that he is making substantial progress in dealing with his inevitable lonliness. Sources say, that Hall dedicates his weekends to reposing every single one of his eight hundred action figures while listening to his favorite film scores:

"Reposing my figures is a great way to unwind after a long day in the basement. I get to spend time with each one of my toys, which distracts me from the fact that my parents will never have grandchildren because of my romantic failings."

After lying to Hall by telling him "he'd eventually find someone" reporters tracked down the parents of this hopeless chump, hoping to hear their thoughts on the subject. Fortunately, Hall's parents were happy to shed some light on their disappointing offspring. Mrs. Hall was first speak:

" We always knew he would grow up to be a loser, but we never thought he would screw us out of a grandchild in the process."

Mr. Hall eagerly followed, trying his best to sound like a loving and caring parent:

" James did his best to find companionship, but at a certain point you just have to take Old Yeller behind the shed and put him out of his misery."