We all hear about someone we know being in some kind of relationship with someone that is toxic. Whether it's a relationship with a parent, friend or significant other/partner, any type of toxic relationship is awful and causes a lot of pain.
I was in an emotionally toxic relationship with someone. So many people around me told me that I should end things because of these signs, but I never listened. I wish I would have.
Here are some red flags of things that occurred in my relationship.
1. They never want you and their friends to hang out together
If someone you are in a relationship with doesn't want you around their friends, that is a problem.
At first, I never thought of it as a problem, but it is! They should WANT you around their friends.
2. They make you feel so bad about yourself daily. They make YOU feel like the problem.
When you want things to work out with someone, you see past their flaws. You only see the good in them and not the bad. Someone should want to call and talk to you. If they make it sound like calling you is really going out of their way, things need to change.3. It's a one way street with effort, you do everything and they do nothing.
If you initiate everything such as making plans. If you want to talk to that person, you have to text or call them first. They never reach out to you first.
For me in my past relationship, I gave everything and put so much time into it. Nothing was given back to me in return in regards to effort.
4. When you bring up something that is bothering you, this person doesn't listen to how you feel
This is called stonewalling. I actually learned about it in my human sexuality class last year and I remember saying to myself "this sounds a lot like my relationship".
If I was feeling a certain way about something or wanted to talk about an issue, this person would shut me out and would only say one word: "sorry". They wouldn't give advice, wouldn't even communicate with me.
People around me told me so many times that I deserved to be treated better. When you really want something to work out with someone, you see past their flaws. You only see the good in them and not the bad. I was so in love with the idea of having someone to be there for me, I didn't realize how much pain this relationship caused me.
Don't get me wrong, any falling out or break up with a friend or romantic partner is hard. But when you look back at that relationship and realize how much better you should have been treated, it all feels better knowing that person is gone and out of your life.
I am so happy now. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don't feel tied down anymore. I feel like I can be myself. I don't feel like I owe anything to anyone. I can now have a clean slate and focus on myself.
Through this experience, I have learned a lot. I have learned that one person should not control if you're happy or not. Yes, they can contribute to your level of happiness, but they shouldn't be the sole reason why you're happy.
When I was in this relationship, I thought about leaving so many times. But I didn't because I was scared without this person, I wouldn't be happy.
I was so wrong! I am the happiest I've been and all the toxicity is out of my life now.
I never thought I would be in a toxic relationship. I don't think anyone does. I can't believe I didn't realize that this was a toxic relationship sooner.
Don't blame yourself for not realizing sooner. It is not your fault.
For me, I didn't notice because I honestly didn't even know what a toxic relationship was.
I wrote this because I want people out there to know the warning signs of a toxic relationship. I want people to know that these types of relationships do exist and how common they are. My hope for writing this article is that someone sees it and realizes that they don't need that toxic person in their life for them to be happy.
