Everyone always says that baking a turkey is one of those things that is impossible to master and difficult to do even adequately. It's intimidating.

However, as I learned just a few days ago, successfully cooking a turkey is not, contrary to popular belief, an impossible feat that is reserved for advanced chefs.

As it turns out, I can cook a turkey, have it taste good and not kill anyone. I used a fresh turkey, not a frozen one, so take that for what you will.

Step one:

Buy your turkey.The price tag is going to hurt. Just accept that and move on. They jack the prices up around Thanksgiving. There's no need to splurge for Butterball, though. I used store brand and it was juuuust fine.

Step two:

Prep your turkey. Don't forget to preheat your oven. The packaging will have instructions, but, in general, you'll want to remove the giblet package and the neck (it's as gross as it sounds), and then rinse the turkey in cold water.

It...is not pretty. I don't think that's actually the turkey's butt, for the record, but I don't really have any way of knowing.

Step three:

Season the bird. Once it's been cleaned out, rinsed and dried off, the turkey is ready for seasoning. I recommend a ton of butter, salt, some pepper and some parsley. And then some more butter.

Don't forget to butter under the skin but above the meat. You may have to cut a tiny little slit in the skin and then work your hand in to move the butter around.

It's less gross than the other part, though. I promise.

Step four:

Put the turkey in the oven. It's an intimidating moment, but you can do it. I promise. Make sure your pan is sturdy, though, or it could break and ruin everything.

I can almost promise you that the turkey will take one-two hours longer to cook than the packaging tells you it will. I learned the hard way.

Step five:

Baste. Basting is when you collect the juices from the bottom of the pan and squirt it back onto the turkey. This gives it a nice brown color and keeps it from drying out too much. Baste every 45 minutes or so. Don't drop your baster in the oven, though. The plastic will melt. Fast.

I'm definitely not speaking from personal experience.

Step six:

When the cooking is done, take the turkey out and prepare to eat. The turkey has to sit for 15-30 minutes -- this is your window to frantically cook and prepare all of the other food.

When it's done, your feast for your friends, roommates, family (or just your cats, no judgment) will be ready. Take a moment to bask in the glory of the turkey that you slaved over for hours, and then dig in.