For all my life I have never admired, nor coveted any quality as much as strength. I enjoy the whole aesthetic of a warrior's creed and regret that I wasn't brought up during a time where honor was more important than money. Unfortunately, I am a mid-sized 18 year old girl that has no heart for killing anything higher up in the food-chain than a fly (although I have mean, murderous instincts when it comes to mosquitos.) But I've always wanted a crucible of sorts. Something that will push me to, and (if it's a good one) beyond my limits so I can see where my abilities truly are. But these days, the common civilian does not get the chance to go on long, arduous journeys through the wintery mountains, nor are we endowed with superhuman powers and tasked with saving the world.

No, our enemies have been modernized. The dragons we must slay come in the shape of family drama, debt, alcohol, drugs, abuse, mental illness and ex-girlfriends (pardon my crass generalizations). But that does not mean our battles have gotten easier, just more complicated.

Recently, I got what I wished for. A situation that would indeed send me to the brink. At first, I took it lightly and let everyone around me take care of things. I let them get stressed out for me and even I was surprised at the fact that I wasn't freaking out. But a very good friend reminded me, "Now you have to be your own escape. There will be no waiting and hoping, only copious planning and practicing."

The thing about crucibles is that they always require you to look at what you fear most in the face. I spent weeks running away and the moment when I had to face it, I bawled. I was so frustrated because I felt like I had gone to fight the dragon and got knocked down before I could even swing my sword. The fear that I felt unnerved me. I couldn't lift my eyes from the floor, my heartbeat sped up, I felt sick, and I was so white-knuckled my shaking bones started to ache. I never want to feel so weak ever again.

And that's why, in situations where every corner of your being is tested, your only recourse is to saddle up and ride on, whether that means finding closure with those that hurt you, or seeking justice. Even if you have to ice over your heart, you must get out of what ever it is. And I'm not saying the solution is "kill or be killed" and I'm also not suggesting that you act like you're fighting someone everyday of the week. There are many ways to conquer fear and be strong. You do not have to win in order to stop the fighting. There can be victory in compromise, healing, forgiveness, and new beginnings, but there cannot be a lack of resolve.

I recognize that not everyone's cause is just. Your enemy is just as convinced that they are right as you are. We can look to God to be the referee and make the easy decision that anybody who contradicts the Bible is on the "bad side." Or we can look to our peers, friends, and loved ones for guidance. But that's like staking your life on an "Ask the Audience" button, and sometimes the majority does not know what's best. So how do we know when we are right? How do we know when to fight to the end and when to give in? Well, that is simply something we'll have to judge for ourselves, using our own set of rules. I have judged my quest to be a worthy one.

It is folly to be black and white about such things but I can say with confidence that once you have found a cause, one that has stood up to the tests of this world and one you have carefully chosen, you must make a decision. When the trials of this life come against you and try to crush your resolve, I advise you to be strong. To be sharp and poignant and precise. To be bold and brassy and optimistic. But most importantly, be whoever you want to be. Know yourself and who you are. And if you're like me and you value strength and freedom, then go for it. Trust yourself and never forget that bitter taste of defeat, so that next time you will be stronger and wiser than ever before. Go get 'em, tiger.