Sometimes life has a funny way of building walls. Sometimes they’re terrible, horrendous things that keep us from letting people in.
Yet sometimes they’re exactly the protection we need, preventing us from the harmful scars of life. The trouble with that is it’s easy for us to see how our walls are helpful, but incredibly frustrating for others on the outside. I know this because I’ve had countless friends lecture me for being “closed off”, “too hard”, and I can’t count the times that I’ve been called (by others and myself) “unemotional” and “unfeeling”.
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They’re not exactly wrong. Letting my emotions hang out in the open is not something I’m okay with.
Why?
Well, we all had those years. Those rough high school days are enough to give anyone emotional trauma. We’ve all been bullied, mocked, abandoned, uprooted, uncomfortable and not consoled for years, right?
Maybe not. But regardless, we’ve all had our shares of struggles. Mine taught me that crying doesn’t accomplish much. Not to offend the criers—your ability to be in tune with both the emotions of yourself and others is beautiful. Honestly, you amaze me. You tend to be comforting and compassionate and wonderful people.
But I think those of us who don’t cry often are pretty amazing too. We all have our reasons for why and how we show our emotions. And every single reason behind every single emotion makes us all the gorgeous creatures that we are. I was created to realize that crying doesn’t do me, personally, any good.
So I don’t.
Nicholas Sparks does not phase me.
The ASPCA commercials don't crack me.
Father/ Daughter songs don’t trigger a drop.
Some people see that in myself, and others, and think we don’t feel.
There are people in this world who watch us tough kids not cry and think we have frozen solid hearts.
But they’re wrong.
I bet we can all think of someone we’ve never seen cry, be it your Dad or your best friend or your gym coach. And I’m guessing we’ve all had moments where we imagine the place in their chest where their heart should be is a bottomless hole.
But here’s the thing—just because we don’t cry doesn’t mean we don’t feel. If we look tough, it’s because life made us this way. But it doesn’t mean life took our heart away.
Spock, the most infamous tough guy of all time and my personal favourite, once said, “You misunderstand. It is true I chose not to feel anything upon realizing my own life was ending . . . I had experienced those feelings before . . . Such a feeling is something I choose never to experience again . . . you mistake my choice not to feel as a reflection of my not caring. Well, I assure you, the truth is precisely the opposite.” (“Star Trek: Into Darkness”, 2013).
No matter how strong a human being is, we all have our weak points. Each one of us holds a breaking point within our walls, no matter how strong they are.
For some it’s their family, for others it’s puppies, and for some others it’s children. No matter how good we are at acting like we don’t care, all of us care about something. We may just be too afraid to show you. That’s not your fault, and we’d regret it if you told us you felt it was. Please try to remember that it isn’t our fault either. No one asks for the rough times life sends our way.
They happen because we live in a fallen world filled with fallen people. And while God is strong enough to pull us through, we never come out the same on the other side. Some of us come out stronger, willing to share our feelings with those around us. But some of us come out a different brand of strong, deciding within ourselves to take our hearts into our own hands, protecting them at all costs.
Sometimes that cost is being labeled as the girl who doesn’t cry or the guy who doesn’t open up.
But how do we know that’s a bad thing? Our life experiences mold us into who we are, and why is being “tough” a negative characteristic? In the end, our world needs criers. But our world also needs those of us who refuse to let the tears fall.
Humanity is a masterful mix of different hearts beating to different rhythms. And if just one of those tempos falls silent, the whole symphony is flat. So, here’s to the criers: may you always have a bottle of water to stay hydrated during chick flicks.
And here’s to the tough kids: may you always know when to unlock your wall’s gate, and when to keep the stones in place.
