Hey Baby Love,
We're fighting right now. Not terribly bad necessarily, but bad enough to the point where you got me wanting to punch you. I won't, obviously. But you know how I get (and I know how you get), and that just means that someone I love more than anything got me extremely aggravated. You won this round, but I'll get you back.
our second picture ever, November 2015.
Our relationship didn't start off peaches and cream, in fact it was quite the opposite. Besides the fact you intrigued me and I had to know every detail of your life, we didn't get along. We ignored each other, we fought; we wrote each other off. Though while telling our friends how we couldn't stand each other, we'd be on our phones keeping tabs. Through squinted eyes under cigarette smoke we were on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat - we always knew what was going on. We probably should've known we'd be together from the start, right? I think I did. I always tell you the first time we talked on the phone I got off and ran upstairs to tell my mother I just met the father of my children. I wasn't lying, you know. Through that first, two hour phone call I think I fell in love. That sounds stupid, doesn't it? But it's true. You trapped me into your web, and I was a fly who was all too happy about it.
We always tell the horror story of our first date, but do you remember our first meeting? I remember it clear as day. I put my hair in a bun and wore my denim jacket with the cotton gray sleeves. You sat in the passenger seat right in front of me, we didn't really get to make eye contact until we went in that little bodega in Trenton. You remember that though, right? You came in with me after I asked (in your direction, though, like a cornball) if anyone was going to come in with me. I kept trying to buy you stuff, candy, gum - anything. You denied everything and I bought a pack of gum. I guess you could say I was a tiny bit hopeful of getting a sign that you liked me. But I didn't. Instead we made jokes back and forth and that was it, you dropped me off home and I went into my room sulking that you didn't like me. The second, third, even fourth time we met was like that. My hopes high for nothing.
We talked day and night. We told each other secrets so quickly into our text message exchanges. We relied on each other for daily advice on how and why to not get high, why to not go out and ruin our lives. Though only two months into just a friendship that would evolve into a marriage, we relied on each other. I woke up and relied on you. You were already the one person I could count on in my life. Maybe we should've known then.
Our weekly sunday morning breakfast.
Do you remember the first time you kissed me? Because of course I do. I made fun of you, finally. I finally grew up the courage to call you out on calling me pet names and saying you liked me but not making any moves. You walked to my house with your friend after keeping me waiting on you for two hours. You said "See? I told you I would" and you kissed me. It was sloppy, it wasn't fully lip to lip, and it was unexpected. It was perfect. I'll remember that day until the day I die. It was the day I knew I would marry you. It was the day I knew that I would be with you for the rest of my life, not just that you'd be the father of my child like the months prior. We held hands as we walked the day everywhere. I held onto the loop of your jeans if we weren't, calling you stupid pet names. I loved every minute of that day.
It wasn't easy after that, either. We fought a lot and broke up a lot, too. We'd go two weeks without talking to each other but go back like nothing had happened. The first time I slept over I remember being so nervous that I could only stay on your bed. I didn't want to say something stupid or look stupid or anything. I just knew that if I sat down and made sure my then purple hair looked nice, I couldn't mess this up. I fell asleep sometime after the third episode of Law & Order. You fell asleep downstairs waiting for your friend. I was devastated, but you were quick to assure me that it wasn't because of me. The next time we fell asleep in the same room, the third time (the time we mark as our anniversary) we fell asleep together. It was the first night I fell asleep peacefully in awhile. I could go on and on about the times we had and all the stupid things we've said to each other. I made this simply to tell you a few things.
To start off - I love you. I am in love with you. I always will, until the end of days. You are my savior, my life; you are the reason I get up in the morning. You motivate me to be a better person and continue to do the right thing. You are my inspiration, and without you the world would be an ugly place.
I dream of the day we get married. I dream of our marriage, my dress, your tuxedo. I dream of who the ring bearer will be (our puppy?) and who's going to be my maid of honor and your groomsmen. I dream of the people who'll be there and what's going to be our first dance...I dream about our first kiss and how big your handsome, dimpled smile will be.
I think of our children. Will I finally get brave enough to go through pregnancy and childbirth? I want to give you kids so bad. I want to see you cry when you see their perfect faces for the first time. I hope they have your dimples. They'll have brown, perfectly messy curly hair and a better childhood than I ever had. Their father will be their best friend. They'll grow up tugging on your hair and coloring in my tattoos. One time they'll even tell me they hate me. I'll cry on your shoulder that night and you'll remind me of all the times I was an asshole to my own mother.
You will keep me grounded, and I promise in return I will do the same. I promise to always be faithful and loyal to you, for the years we have to come. I promise to always keep our every Sunday breakfast, even if we have to bring our future children. I promise to always remind you how handsome you are, and how in love with you I am. I promise to kiss you every chance I get, and watch you play video games without complaining (sometimes).
I will treasure every walk, every kiss, every hug. I will turn away guys who try to hit on me, and flaunt you around like it's my business. I promise to make you smile when you're sad, and remind you of how much of an amazing person you truly are, inside and out, when you are down. I'll sing you funny songs and annoy you when you don't want me to.
Most importantly: I will continue to love you, for the rest of my days. When we are old, I will love you. When you are sad, mad, happy: I will love you. When it is hard I will love you, and when it's not easy to love you, I will. I will never, in the rest of my days, not love you. I promise this from the bottom of my heart. You are mine to love, and I will never give anyone else that job. No one else will have that chance. I will love you with a hundred precent of my heart, forever.
And until the sun burns out, I will love you.
