It's that time of year again. It's time to start getting ready for red-and-green everything, hot cocoa and cookies, and over obsessing about ABC, I mean, Freeform's 25 Days of Christmas movie marathon.

Well for me, anyway. A lot of you turkey shirkers and thankless thieves of the wonderful holiday of Thanksgiving like to start Christmas celebration after Halloween, an atrocity that has inspired corporations and radio stations to follow suit.

I always dread the first half of November because while I'm ready to dive into some turkey, everyone else is focusing on the pudding.

And thus, we get early Christmas music on the radio.

Now on the whole, I don't hate Christmas music. The fact remains however there's a time and a place for it. And now that I've expressed negativity upon the genre, it seems only fitting to count down what I think are the absolute worst Christmas songs ever made, and it also seems only fitting to do it now so that I can get it out of the way so I don't spoil the Christmas cheer when Christmastime comes around.

Christmas music is a part of life, however, there are some Christmas songs, old and new alike, that I think deserve a serious examination, as they could reflect on us as a society.

Also, I just want to rant about Christmas music.

So let's get started with:

10. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus- Various: Is the idea cute? Sure. Is the execution good? Goodness no.

This song is just incredulously, indubitably, and irrevocably, stupid.

We get the joke: it's not REALLY Santa Claus, it's the singer's dad! He just doesn't KNOW it's his dad because he thinks it's the ACTUAL Santa Claus!

Except, the joke is corny at best, but when sung about for like, three verses, it just becomes played out and exhausting.

I don't understand the widespread appeal of this song. The way the narrator in particular describes in detail how exactly Mommy is kissing Santa Claus is weird, and he seems to relish the idea of, "Hey what if Dad sees this?"

What I'm saying is this child might need to see a therapist.

Also, what message are the kids getting through this song? Most of them believe Santa is real, so, since the singer of the song seems very.....comfortable with his mom's supposed infidelity, the question bears asking, what if a kid takes this the wrong way?

I can now see why my parents wouldn't let me listen to this song as a child.

However, I don't consider this song any worse than the others on this list because in all honestly it's not that terrible or annoying. Bonus annoying points do go the Jackson 5 version, however, which contains spoken dialogue of young Michael trying to explain that he really did see Mommy kissing Santa Claus, in the most obnoxious way possible.

On the whole, this song is stupid, tired, mundane, and yet it also sends a confused message of underlying creepiness.

And in staying with the creepiness theme:

9. Baby, It’s Cold Outside- Various: Fact: duets are awesome. Also fact: bad lyrics can ruin any song no matter the instrumentation or quality of the singing.

Sorry to anyone who really likes this song, but I just don't see the appeal.

I don't hate it, I just think it's kind of boorish and a little unsettling.

The dialogue between the two singers is wonderfully sung, rhytmically pleasing, and also tells a story about a woman who is staying with a man in his house alone whilst a storm's a-brewin with her wanting to leave to see her family but also wanting to have some more fun with the man, who definitely wants to have more fun and not have the woman see her family.

I think the most questionable line in the song definitely has to be, "Say what's in this drink?" Probably a question that has no easy and possibly an illegal answer.

Ok, it's not like the woman is being held against her will. She chooses to stay throughout the song. However, it paints a picture of two irresponsible people being irresponsible, with alternating reactions by the listener being, "Stupid woman why don't you leave?" and, "This guy really, really wants it and it's kinda freakin me out."

What doesn't put it higher up on the list for me though is that it is a very fun duet to listen to.

Just, ignore the lyrics if you can.

Overall, it's a dumb song with lightly lurid overtones of irresponsible illicit actions.

Puts you in that Christmas spirit, doesn't it?

8. Mistletoe- Justin Bieber: I'm not proud that I know this exists.

I've been an enemy of Bieber since day one. Even as a ten year old I was sick of his obnoxious face, horrible voice, and stupid, unlistenable, garbage piles that the rest of the world deemed, "songs."

So to set the record straight: I didn't seek this out. I watched an analysis of it in a video by an individual who hates Justin Bieber more than I do.

So there.

With that out of the way, the main premise of this song is that Bieber knows it's Christmastime, and he knows he's probably supposed to be out doing Christmas things, but what he'd RATHER do is spend time under the mistletoe with YOU, preteen girl.

Needless to say, this song came after Bieber's phase of looking like a girl and appealing to preteen girls and his more recent phase of trying to be a mainstream artist.

Meaning it's got that disgusting, manipulative, appeal-to-lonely-ten-year-old-girls motif that made him insufferable in his early years.

However, to be fair, that element is toned down for this song. The instrumentation is mostly acoustic guitar played at steady, comfortable tempo, as opposed to the big, pumping, pop sound he used to go with. Which tries to provide a comfortable atmosphere. And would succeed if Justin Bieber wasn't singing over it.

Really the song's biggest negative quality is the lyrics. They basically can be summed up as: I should be doing all this fun Christmas stuff that people want to hear about in a Christmas song, but I'd rather spend time making out with you.

So really it's less of a Christmas song and more of a try to make out with a girl song, with Christmas themes kind of just shoved to the background.

And who wants to hear that besides preteen girls?

Judging by this song's lack of success, not even they did.

Which is ultimately why I kept it this low on the list. It's not everywhere threatening my sanity with its terribleness.

And for a Justin Bieber Christmas song, we could have got a lot worse.

7. Text Me Merry Christmas- Straight No Chaser ft. Kristen Bell: Full disclosure: our society's obsession with cell phones gets on my nerves at times.

And when you dedicate an entire song to someone texting you as a sign of love, your song is destined to fail on premise alone.

And yeah, this one does.

Like I said, the main idea of this song is the main singers, male and female, wish for the other to "text them Merry Christmas" as a sign of grand affection.

Let's stop there for a second: just how big of a romantic gesture is it to text someone two words?

I thought calling was supposed to be the romantic gesture because it involved taking time out of your day to focus entirely on someone else, but now apparently just hitting 15 buttons on a keyboard is equivalent to showing someone you care by sacrificing for them your time and patience.

Basically, the idea is dead on arrival. The singers and songwriters try to build up texting someone as this romantic, sweet and wonderful thing to do, when it's literally just sending someone two words if you can find thirty seconds of downtime to do so.

The lyrics themselves are also TERRIBLE. Aside from begging for a text and trying to make it romantic, the main singer for Straight No Chaser and Kristen Bell also pepper their narratives with annoying text jargon and references to Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat, as if the idea of romantic texting wasn't stupid enough.

However the worst moment happens when in the middle of the song, both of the singers stop to have a spoken dialogue that is supposed to represent them texting one another, and it is vomit-inducing.

Right after that comes the final verse, where they promise to find a mistletoe and pretend that their phone screen is each other.

I'll give you some time to go throw up.

If you don't know either of these artists, Straight No Chaser is an a capella group that does mostly covers (and as this song suggests, they need to stick to that), and Kristen Bell is the voice behind Anna from Frozen, in which she would perform better vocal work in songs that don't have idiotic premises and inane lyrics.

The only thing saving this song from the bottom 5 is that it is relatively unpopular. I've never heard this on the radio except for once, and I hope it stays that way.

Because if my generation finds this song as the great Christmas love song of our time, then that will be the day that romance truly dies.

6. Santa Baby- Various: Quick question: whose idea was it to make a song in which the object was to make Santa Claus sexy?

Whosever it was needs a good thrashing upside the head because now we're stuck with one of the most uncomfortable Christmas songs in existence.

I can't believe that a human being somewhere sat down in a recording studio tasked with writing a Christmas song, and decided to make the concept of writing a letter to Santa Claus a sexy thing to do.

Listening to this song is tryly an experience, as what you have essentially is someone trying to seduce Santa Claus into getting them what they want. And it provides a very uncomfortable atmosphere for the listener to cringe at.

Most portrayals of this song characterize the narrator to be a floozy with an annoying Northern accent trying way to hard to sound seductive, so on top of being uncomfortable the song is most often obnoxious.

Also, judging by this woman's Christmas list, she seems like a selfish, self-absorbed, gold-digging manipulator. And who really wants to hear a Christmas song about that?

The one stark exception to all of these portrayals of course is Michael Buble's, which then brings a whole slew of different questions and implications from the song.

Really overall, it makes no earthly sense. Why make Santa Claus a sex symbol? Why pervert something so innocent?

I guess an argument can be made that this song is supposed to be the girl talking to just some random sugar daddy and the whole "Santa" thing being sort of a joke or a sexual tease, but even then, that's still kind of sexualizing the idea of Santa Claus, and that's just gross, no matter how you spin it.

Part 2 to be continued next week.