Do you have nothing to do this Fourth of July? Are you bored of the same generic Fourth of July things every year? Worry not, because I have compiled a list of things you would've never considered to do this year!

1. Fireworks

I'll bet you've never seen fireworks on the Fourth of July! The idea came to me in a dream: why not shoot thousands of dollars worth of explosives into the air to celebrate America's freedom from Great Britain?

2. Barbecues

Another brilliant way to remember the success of our ancestors is to fry up the carcass of some dead cows and pigs on the ol' griddle.

3. Parties

Yay! Parties! Fun! Dance! Other... party stuff...

4. Drinking Yourself Stupid

Yeah, there's the other party stuff. Alcohol, am I right? Drink until you can't walk straight and can't tell your dog from the sofa.

5. Drinking and Driving (See #4)

This is a great idea. Keep tabs of all the people you hit; they're worth varying amounts of points.

6. Stare at the American Flag

The start of it all. This represents America's freedom and has everyone's favorite color all over it: blue.

7. Hang an American Flag Somewhere

It doesn't really matter where, as long as all of your neighbors and random strangers can see how patriotic you are.

8. Think of Donald Trump and Hang a Canadian Flag Instead

On second thought, do we really like America that much this year? Think about that before hanging the flag where everyone can see it.

9. Think of Brexit and Hang the American Flag Back Up

On third thought... this year was really a mess for everyone, wasn't it? Now we Americans can pretend we didn't screw up the world the most in 2016. Hang that flag back up!

10. Fireworks

I'll bet you've ne-- oh, wait, did I say this one already? Oops.

Well, there you have it; these are the top ten -- uh, nine -- things to do this Fourth of July. So have fun, be safe, and for the love of God, please don't actually drink and drive.