The Top 7 Feminist Animals | The Odyssey Online
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Politics and Activism

The Top 7 Feminist Animals

See? It's natural!

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The Top 7 Feminist Animals
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In a world that is often trying to invalidate our hopes and our fears, the odds for women can at times seem insurmountable. Yet, people stand beside the idea that this is simply the way society is, or that we could not sustain ourselves in any other kind of societal landscape. Unfortunately, it is true that misogyny is a deeply ingrained part of most of our modern-day lives, but the idea that this inequality is either “natural” or “instinctual” is simply idiotic. To consider this idea, look no further than the animal kingdom. Because, after all, what could be more natural than that?

1. Meerkats

If you want an example of a badass female pack animal, look no further than the African meerkat. Packs of meerkats, otherwise known as mobs or gangs, are lead by a dominant female and male pairing. The female, however, makes most of the major decisions for her family, such as where to burrow or who to kick out of her very exclusive gang. Only the alpha pairing of a gang is allowed to produce offspring, which is definitely a good thing, as most of the other members of the group are related, and I really don’t see "Game of Thrones" as being a good spinoff to "Meerkat Manor." All of the members of the mob help to take care of the alpha couple’s young, by keeping a lookout for birds of prey, snakes and other potential predators, much like your babysitting job in high school.

2. Orca Whales

Feminism is always intersectional with these Blackfish. Orca (or Killer) Whales live in families based on the mother’s family lineage. These packs are known as “matrilines.” Other than the fact that that name is not very creative as it is literally “mother lines,” it speaks of a deeply ingrained familial bond present among Orcas. The children will stay with their mother even after they have had children of their own, and a family will remain together and close even after the mother has died, continuing her legacy. Somehow, a family of Orcas managed to be less dysfunctional than all those Indie, neurotic, ambiguously Jewish family movies. How about we replace Jason Bateman with some Orcas? Maybe then "Arrested Development" would have gotten better ratings. And it is surprisingly believable that Michael Cera is half Orca.

3. Anglerfish

Screw you and your traditional beauty standards! The female anglerfish is a natural beauty with her sharp teeth, seemingly translucent skin, fishing-pole-esque light to attract prey, and who could forget the multiple sperm-sacks attached to her body! Most of those can be attributed to the biology of the female deep sea anglerfish, but the sperm-sacks are actually the sad remnants of the male deep sea anglerfish and their notoriously bizarre mating ritual. The male anglerfish acts as little more than a small parasite for the female, latching on with sharp teeth and melding himself into the female’s body. Actually, when I put it like that, it doesn’t sound too unlike human mating rituals. Well, except for the fact that the male anglerfish will cease to be anything but testes attached to the female that will occasionally fertilize her eggs. But when I put it like that, it doesn’t sound too unlike human marriage.

4. Bees

We’re all familiar with the concept of a “queen bee.” The term has become synonymous with a woman in a position of power who may or may not use her authority for small acts of absolute evil and/or terror. This definition is all well and good, but why have we not adopted more attributes of this powerful, dominant female? A human “queen bee” would be a lot more striking if she demanded to be brought food by her willing subjects and could lay upwards of 1,500 eggs in a single day, like the real bee-royal herself. If we held ourselves to this higher standard, we would certainly achieve new heights in human achievement, and not just because we all magically grew wings. Queen bees usually live around five years, and in her old age, her colony is more likely to swarm to find a new place to establish their home with her, but I have a theory they are used mainly to hide the bumps from the Botox injections in her old age from the public.

5. Lions (Lionesses)

Lionesses do a significant majority of the hunting for their pride, yet the male lions get 30 percent more of the zebra — I mean they get to eat the kill first, regardless of the fact that the female caught their prey roughly nine out of every 10 times. After experiencing this hardship, it is reasonable that the females in a pride may seek support from other women in the pride and help each other’s cubs. Females in a family often have cubs at similar times, at which point a lioness will allow another female’s young to drink her milk, like ladies do. After the cubs are slightly less adorable, the males leave the pride to move onto greener pastures, and generally kill another female’s young before impregnating her with his own. But sure, go ahead and tell us about your mommy issues.

6. Komodo Dragons

Hey, guess what! You and a male Komodo dragon may have something in common — neither of you have had sex with a female Komodo dragon. Regardless of their lack of loving, however, some female Komodo dragons have still found a way to reproduce without having her eggs fertilized by a male, through a process called “parthenogenesis.” Although this is not necessarily a common practice among the lizards, it has been proven more than once that asexual reproduction is a possibility. Komodo dragons produced through this process, though, will always be male as a result of the distribution of chromosomes. This is all incredibly cool, but we can’t forget that this is also how "Jurassic Park" got out of control. Be careful out there. Jeff Goldblum is busy doing those apartment commercials now, so how is he supposed to help us when he can’t even help himself?

7. Elephants

The elephants is a better plus-sized feminist than Amy Schumer could ever hope to be. Where Meghan Trainor is all about that bass, these intelligent animals are all about that trunk (which is actually not a euphemism). In addition to that, they also thrive in matriarchal packs, but elephants take it to a new extreme altogether. While male elephants leave their families when they reach sexual maturity to go breed with anything that has a pulse (what human men like to call college), female elephants stay with at least some of their family for their whole lives. Where to go, eat, drink, rest and all major decisions are made by the matriarch of the family, who is usually the oldest female of the group. At that point, other members of the group can go elsewhere based on their individual needs, but a family will remain in contact with one another throughout their journeys. For the most part, the pack will follow the matriarch, as she has the most experience on any given terrain, proving once again that, yes, you should feel guilty for not having called your mother in a month.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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1. You don't have to feel guilty about flirting with customers for tips (or just for shits and giggles).

2. You can be obnoxiously flirtatious with anyone you want. You are free to be that girl that flirts with everybody and makes 'em all smile (it's especially fun when the guy is as cute as Collin Jost). No shame.

3. Making random men nervous with your superior beauty and intense eye contact just for the hell of it is really amusing and empowering.

4. No one gives two poops if ya legs are hairy (your man shouldn't either but *Kermit the Frog meme* That's none of my business)

5. The toilet seat will remain down.

6. There's more money to spend on yourself.

7. There's always this secret butterfly in your tummy that marvels at the possibility that when you go out this weekend you're gonna meet someone super handsome/wonderful/prince-like and have this moment of dazzling dalliance.

8. Nothing is that serious...you can take it all with a grain of salt...you don't owe anybody anything.

9. You can dance with anyone and everyone...or no one (Hello frat boi w/ glasses, I see you).

10. You don't have to fluff anyone's ego but your own.

11. Free drinks and dinners from single guys (It's not taking advantage if they're offering; a girl's gotta eat).

12. You have more time to learn how to love and improve yourself rather than constantly pouring your energy into another person.

13. You don't have to sacrifice your cheesy Jen Aniston rom-coms and Gilmore Girls for his Fast and Furious/other dumb action movie featuring blonde that is only in the movie to supply a relationship to the male lead and to make him look more masculine/empowered in juxtaposition (In other words, you don't have to deal with a guy being a crabby Patty while you watch your cute movies).

14. You can daydream about what your future husband may be doing right now (and not get stressed/guilty out because you're not picturing your current boyfriend that's crazy about you as your future husband).

15. There is more time to be spent with your girlfriends.

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