The Top 7 As Seen On TV Products, Ranked By Pointlessness | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Entertainment

The Top 7 As Seen On TV Products, Ranked By Pointlessness

I dare you to make it through this article without buying something.

102
The Top 7 As Seen On TV Products, Ranked By Pointlessness
As Seen On TV

It's just common sense that your TV is great for a lot of things. Whether it's Netflix or E!, you can count on the TV to provide you with hours of mindless entertainment. However, some seem to forget about the wonder that is "As Seen on TV" products. If you've ever randomly turned on the TV at 3 a.m. and ended up sucked into an infomercial about a blender that will change your life, be your new best friend and do your taxes for you -- all for two easy payments of your left arm and your first born -- you know just how great these products are. If you haven't been #blessed enough to have such an encounter, don't worry. I've rounded up the best stuff you really don't need. I dare you to make it through this article without buying something.

7. The Great American Steakhouse Onion Machine

Have you ever gotten a "Bloomin' Onion" from Outback Steakhouse? Did you know that ordering, receiving and eating a "Bloomin' Onion" from Outback Steakhouse takes less time than saying the name of this As Seen on TV product? I don't know about you, but there is nothing I would rather spend $39.95 on than something that has this kind of feedback on Amazon:

More Like "Bleedin' Onion"

Also, for something that is a knockoff of an Australian themed restaurant product with the word "American" thrown in, it was definitely made in China.

6. Sauna Pants

If you've ever used the expression "I'm sweating my *ss off," boy, do the As Seen on TV folks have a product for you. If you want to say "I'm sweating my *ss off" without speaking metaphorically, I'd suggest you invest $39.95 in "Sauna Pants." Not positive what the benefit of these is, exactly, but I'm pretty sure just going outside on a hot day will have the same effect.

5. Night View NV Glasses

You know that tool who wears sunglasses at night? For the low, low price of $9.95, you too can look like just as much of a jerk. These yellow tinted shades are meant to help you see better at night, because sometimes turning on your headlights is just too much work. The people can't get enough, as seen in this almost poetic review:

Just when you thought Night View NV Glasses couldn't get any better, they now come in clip-on form. I'll just leave this here.

4. EZ Stringer

If you are so busy that you cannot find five minutes to fix the string on your clothing, an investment in the "EZ Stringer" could be an extremely worthwhile investment. I am also assuming this is only worth it for those whose wardrobes are made up entirely of cargo pants and hoodies. Here's an excerpt from the "EZ Stringer" website:

"The EZstringer came about when my beloved cargo pants fell victim to a clever culprit, the errant drawstring. I spent 45 frustrating minutes trying unsuccessfully to restring them with a coat hanger and safety pins. Not wanting to buy a new pair of cargos, I decided to invent a product to help solve this common clothing crime."

Well, at least there's some solid alliteration in there.

3. Anti-Snore Strap

Is your partner repelled by your loud snoring? Would you like to repel them even more? If your answer is yes, the "Anti-Snore Strap" is perfect for you. Not only will you probably still snore, but you will also look like a freak in this fleece-lined face sling. The only thing this does is keep your mouth shut while you sleep, so subtle suffocation may also occur.

2. WaxVac

The WaxVac claims to be a "natural" solution to cleaning your ears because shoving something that requires two (not included, by the way) AA batteries into your ear canal is so natural. The WaxVac literally sucks the wax out of your ears, which is not only disgusting, but also something a Q-Tip could do. The best part of the WaxVac, however, isn't its ability, but rather the photos of the happy people using the WaxVac. Enjoy.

1. Bowl Brite

If the altered spelling of "bright" didn't tip you off already, you can probably guess this is a quality product. I found this in the clearance section of the "As Seen on TV Website," so I have no doubt in the abilities of this product. If you ever have trouble, say, turning on the bathroom light when getting up to go in the middle of the night, the "Bowl Brite" is the solution for you. It uses a "soothing light children will love" (their words, not mine) that uses different colors to show you if the seat is up or down, something the human eye is also capable of. Sidenote: when I first saw this product, I accidentally misread the name as "Bowel Brite," which is probably the reason it's on clearance.

See, what did I tell you? All these products are things that are absolutely necessary to your daily life. How did you possibly survive before?

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

15 Mind-Bending Riddles

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

181796
 Ilistrated image of the planet and images of questions
StableDiffusion

I've been super busy lately with school work, studying, etc. Besides the fact that I do nothing but AP chemistry and AP economics, I constantly think of stupid questions that are almost impossible to answer. So, maybe you could answer them for me, and if not then we can both wonder what the answers to these 15 questions could be.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Most Epic Aurora Borealis Photos: October 2024

As if May wasn't enough, a truly spectacular Northern Lights show lit up the sky on Oct. 10, 2024

8632
stunning aurora borealis display over a forest of trees and lake
StableDiffusion

From sea to shining sea, the United States was uniquely positioned for an incredible Aurora Borealis display on Thursday, Oct. 10, 2024, going into Friday, Oct. 11.

It was the second time this year after an historic geomagnetic storm in May 2024. Those Northern Lights were visible in Europe and North America, just like this latest rendition.

Keep Reading...Show less
 silhouette of a woman on the beach at sunrise
StableDiffusion

Content warning: This article contains descriptions of suicide/suicidal thoughts.

When you are feeling down, please know that there are many reasons to keep living.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

Power of Love Letters

I don't think I say it enough...

453477
Illistrated image of a letter with 2 red hearts
StableDiffusion

To My Loving Boyfriend,

  • Thank you for all that you do for me
  • Thank you for working through disagreements with me
  • Thank you for always supporting me
  • I appreciate you more than words can express
  • You have helped me grow and become a better person
  • I can't wait to see where life takes us next
  • I promise to cherish every moment with you
  • Thank you for being my best friend and confidante
  • I love you and everything you do

To start off, here's something I don't say nearly enough: thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You do so much for me that I can't even put into words how much I appreciate everything you do - and have done - for me over the course of our relationship so far. While every couple has their fair share of tiffs and disagreements, thank you for getting through all of them with me and making us a better couple at the other end. With any argument, we don't just throw in the towel and say we're done, but we work towards a solution that puts us in a greater place each day. Thank you for always working with me and never giving up on us.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

11 Signs You Grew Up In Hauppauge, NY

Because no one ever really leaves.

23903
Map of Hauppauge, New York
Google

Ah, yes, good old Hauppauge. We are that town in the dead center of Long Island that barely anyone knows how to pronounce unless they're from the town itself or live in a nearby area. Hauppauge is home to people of all kinds. We always have new families joining the community but honestly, the majority of the town is filled with people who never leave (high school alumni) and elders who have raised their kids here. Around the town, there are some just some landmarks and places that only the people of Hauppauge will ever understand the importance or even the annoyance of.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments