My Uncle Steve auditioned to be a Cheetah Girl in the hit Disney production “The Cheetah Girls” back in early 2002. He was hoping to be cast alongside the characters Bubbles, Cuchie, Do, and Aqua. He wanted to be known as Damp. He wanted to be the best Cheetah Girl but he’s not and he’s still a bit mad about it. Here are the Top 6 reasons my Uncle Steve should have been the star Cheetah Girl, screw you Raven-Symóne.

1. He Can Memorize Really Well

Here is my uncle holding a tablet. He’s memorizing his lyrics for the Cheetah Girl script for when they inevitably make a re-make and are casting. He’s on the ball, he won’t screw up the interview. Uncle Steve is always prepared and he always has his emergency scissors on him just in case.

2. He Likes Apples

One of the things my Uncle Steve really likes is apples. Sometimes he will pick one up and say to himself “yeah, I like that apple” because that’s just the kind of guy my Uncle Steve is. The Cheetah Girls were always bonded by a strong affinity for apples, and my uncle would fit right in.

3. He Has the Right Attitude

Being a Cheetah Girl is largely about being a sassy person and taking no smack. My uncle is exactly this way. Just look at that face, you can tell he has the demeanor to be a Cheetah Girl

4. He really likes Apples

Talk to anyone who knows Uncle Steve. One thing you will never hear them say is that Steve hates apples (except for maybe Old Joel, but he and Steve have beef so that doesn’t count). He just loves apples so much that he is giving them a “thumbs up!” Wow, good one uncle!

5. He knows Pop Culture Okay

Here he is picking up a phone like in that song by Tray Scoot and Lil Thugman. He knew the song so he made me take the photo. He really likes this one.

6. He Has A Good Catchphrase

One of the most important Cheetah Girl things is the catchphrase. Bubbles would always look at the camera and say “I’m actually a cat” after every song and my Uncle wanted to do that too. He wanted to say “I’m the original one, I’m a genetically altered cat man, please help me.” Come on, how can you not want to hire this man?