If I were not in college, I would definitely be Cookie Monster’s protégé. Some people are beer experts and some people are cheese experts, but if there’s a place in the world of expertise for the infallible cookie, count me in. I love to eat cookies as much as I love making them. After extensive testing over a span of however many years I’ve had cognitive function, as well as conducting research on numerous brands and bakeries, here are my personal rankings for five of the most popular types of cookies.
(Honorable mention: I would have put peanut butter cookies on this list, but the last batch of peanut butter cookies I consumed had ACTUAL PEANUTS in them. I am still holding a grudge and I'm pretty sure that's not what God wants from us.)
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5. White chocolate macadamia nut
To me, macadamia nut cookies are not completely unfavorable by any means, but they do land on the bottom of the list for a few reasons. First, the nut-to-chocolate ratio is almost always uneven in favor of the nuts. Second, these cookies are the hardest to make from scratch because have you seen how much macadamia nuts actually cost? Rating: 5/10 not super tasty but would still happily stuff my face with them.
4. Sugar
These are the blank canvas cookies. They can be decorated with icing, sprinkles, or left plain. I don’t have a type. But they are literally just mounds of flour and sugar and leavening agents. When I’m eating something sweet, I don’t want to be CONSTANTLY reminded of just how much closer I am to giving myself diabetes. Rating: 6.5/10 because frosting them is still fun.
3. Snickerdoodle
The snickerdoodle is the hotter and spicier younger sibling of the sugar cookie. Same genes and all, but the snickerdoodle was blessed with a lil’ something extra: cinnamon. Snickerdoodles taste like Christmas and a warm blanket in front of a fireplace. Plus, that texture though: fluffy, buttery, basically eating a cloud. Rating: 8/10 would marry.
2. Chocolate chip
The classic. Ranking them any lower would be sacrilegious. They are versatile and are acceptable chewy or crunchy (team chewy here). Words can't explain the pleasure of biting into a perfect chunk of gooey chocolate or that succulent texture that only comes after dipping the cookie in a glass of cold milk. Perfectly good - and even better - when eaten raw too. Rating: 9/10 **flame emoji three times in a row**
1. Oatmeal raisin
Yes, oatmeal cookies. The ones everyone complains about because they wanted chocolate chip and were deceived. I’ll let you try to find a cookie that is as moist (sorry I know that word is gross) and flavorful as the oatmeal raisin cookie is. These cookies are also the most breakfast-friendly and I am a firm believer in breakfast food at any time of day. Plus, oatmeal cookies are versatile too! Don’t like the raisins? Replace them with virtually anything else—like chocolate chips or the blood of those who wronged you in the past—and you would still get a deliciously spiced cookie whose texture game is A1. Rating: 1000/10 can eat as many as you’d like and still poop the next day, Thanks fiber.
