I’m coming up on my halfway mark in my first pregnancy (about 20 weeks). You’d think I would be scared or nervous. You’d also be incorrect. Don’t get me wrong, being pregnant is cool. There is absolutely nothing like feeling a kick for the first time and there’s definitely nothing like morning sickness. Not to mention that hearing a second heartbeat in your body, while bizarre, is absolutely incredible.
As this pregnancy progresses at a seemingly faster pace every day, I’ve started to really reflect on how this entire experience has impacted me. Soon enough I’ll have a brand new bundle of joy and a plethora of new obstacles in my life. I’d like to say that I can’t wait for him or her to be here but the truth is that I can. I’m so ready to spend another 20 weeks having this personal time with my little one. So as I continue happily living in these fleeting moments, here’s what I’ve realized so far.
1. I’m already jealous of the people around me.
Whether it be my husband or my mother, I know that soon I won’t be the only one feeling these little kicks. I know that may sound odd but in just the next few weeks others will be able to see and feel my little one just like I can. I don’t know if I’m ready to share that yet. I’ve been feeling these perfect little movements for less than 2 weeks and I treasure every moment. It’s like our own little secret and that bond is growing stronger every day.
2. I’m actually not at all scared of giving birth.
No, I really mean that. Before I ever got pregnant I ended up doing a lot of research after my sister had her twins. It didn’t take long for me to realize a medication-free birth outside of a hospital was the way to go. Besides just hating hospitals and strong medication in general, I also fell in love with water births. I’m not scared at all of the inevitable pain. I know I can do it and I know I’ll be just fine.
3. I have never loved my husband so much.
Okay, I'm not into the whole "he's great because he's putting up with me" rhetoric I hear from an interesting number of women. No, my husband doesn't get the luxury of my sympathy. But what he does get is endless love (neediness) from me. Maybe it's just the hormones from our DNA forming a human inside of me but I cannot get enough of this man. I definitely have my moody moments but overall I just can't wait to see him again after we get off work. I'm truly cherishing every moment we have together that's just us. I know that once the baby arrives our relationship will change a bit and that's perfectly okay with me. But for now, just as I love keeping this baby to myself, I love not having to share him either.
4. People aren't as judgmental as I thought they would be.
I've heard story after story of young women (I'm 22) being judged for their age when they have kids. I've also heard stories of women giving annoying unsolicited advice on labor, birth, clothing, baby showers, anything really. While I've encountered some mildly annoying "tips and pointers", I've mostly only gotten great reactions. Whether it be from veteran moms or college friends who can't imagine having a kid, let alone being married, I've only really gotten love and excitement about my baby and my decisions regarding parenting. I truly feel for any woman who has only gotten negativity from others but I'm lucky to say that so far, other people have really only helped make my pregnancy even more enjoyable.
5. I will never be ready to be a mom and that's okay.
This pregnancy wasn't exactly planned but the biggest realization I've had so far is that I will never be ready to plan a baby. I don't care how much money I have or what kind of car I drive or how luxurious of a home I own. I'm so excited to me a mom but I know there's nothing in life that will prepare me for it except to just go through it. Maybe I'll feel more prepared for the next kid. For now, I'm ready to accept the inevitable: I have no idea what I'm doing.
Momhood is impending at this point and I lack the nerves everyone else talks about. Maybe this will change once I get bigger and the time gets closer. Or maybe it'll really hit me when I go into labor or when I'm holding them for the first time. Or maybe I won't ever be nervous or scared to do this. At the end of the day I'm just not worried about it. I have plenty of time to lose my mind and right now isn't it. I'm sure I'll make a few more realizations before our baby arrives. However, all I really know at the end of the day is that there's a love I've never experienced growing along with this child. And it makes me so excited to experience the rest of this pregnancy and to take the title of 'Mom'.
