The minor leagues of baseball are supposedly where the "future" of the MLB resides. We are fed a narrative that these farm teams are in place to build the rosters of their Major League parent teams and that places like Salt Lake City and Pawtucket are just building grounds for future star players. It leads some to overlook these programs and attendance and viewership (can you even get minor league games on T.V.?) are almost always low. I mean, lets face it, when is the last time you watched Sports Center hoping for a riveting highlight of the Gwinett Braves playing the Albuquerque Isotopes? No one really cares about the minors and I couldn't disagree more. I want to tell the world the top five reasons why going to Minor League baseball games kicks the shit out of the Major Leagues.
5. Tickets are cheap.
The last Salt Lake Bees game I went to cost me a whopping $20 for a seat right over the dugout and that's on the steep end as far as ticket prices are concerned. $20 a ticket is what you spend when your date is obviously much more attractive than you and is probably not going to be impressed with the $8 general admission grandstand area where she will most definitely get beer poured on her. An average seat at a Yankees game is upwards of $200 and there's no way I'm spending that kind of cash to watch baseball in 40 degree weather in New York.
4. It's a perfect date (if you're broke).
When you tell a girl you want to take her on a date to a Saturday night baseball game, all the images flash through her mind of that one terrible movie where the perfect guy takes his girlfriend to the ballpark for a magical night. No one told her she's about to go watch guys who hit their prime 10 years ago, battle it out for who gets to play one game in the majors before they get their ass shipped back to Toledo. Luckily, if she isn't familiar with baseball then she really doesn't know that this is rock bottom for the sport. Hopefully the $20 tickets didn't dent your wallet so much that you can't get her a hot dog or something to make up for it.
3. No one acts like they know a thing about anyone playing.
If there's one thing I hate, it's trying to enjoy a sporting event while Joe Shmuck sitting next to me blabbers in my ear all the useless stats he knows about every player on the field. I came to watch the game and there's no way I'm going to study stupid stats when I didn't even study for my economics final. But, take one step into a minor league ballpark and one thing is obvious; no one could give a rats ass who's batting what with runners in scoring position. In fact, they probably don't know a single name on the field, they just want to drink.
2. Promotions.
Minor league teams are so desperate to get fans to come to games that almost every home game there's some sort of promotion or perk. Even though baseball sucks, you know the ball park will force a good time on you whether it be by fireworks, bring your dog to the park day, or my personal favorite "Thirsty Thursdays" where usually $10 beer is just two bucks. Teams are so desperate for attendance that the Single-A St. Paul Saints literally auctioned off a real, live at-bat during the game. Seriously. That's not a lie, they care so little even about themselves that they let some random dude from the stands take a actual at-bat for them just because otherwise no one would come to the game. Can you remember the last time the Yankees let some fan take a crack at a major league fastball? The MLB can take a back seat.
1. You can DRINK.
I cannot think of a more appropriate place to get absolutely blackout hammered than a minor league baseball park. Honestly, who's going to stop you when tickets are $10 and we just watched Greg from work take an at-bat in the middle of the game. Beers are $2 on Thirsty Thursdays and what's stopping me from having eight after I pregamed for two hours? Johnny No-Name just struck out for the 14th time in a row and I'm sitting in such cheap seats, I can't even see the field anyways. Hope that guy isn't too mad I spilled beer on his date.
