I think I come off as socially awkward because I make the situations that I am in awkward for myself when they don't have to be. Sometimes, I tell myself to think confidently so that way my actions will follow suit. But most of the time, I know the awkward position that I'm in, and that's when I freeze up and become unsure of what to do. What I've realized is that the older I get, the more I notice how awkward I am. Maybe that's because I'm part of society now, and I have to learn how to be an adult, but don't we all?
On the streets/in the hallway
GiphyWhen I see someone in the distance who I haven't talked to in years or who I didn't end on such great terms on, I try to keep a low profile. And when I mean low, I mean I try every possible way to not make eye contact or I cross the street (if there is a street to cross) before it's too late. But let's just say that this was in a hallway at school and there was nowhere to run, I would whip out my phone and pretend like I'm messaging someone until we pass each other, but when in reality, I'm just typing out gibberish and hitting backspace a million times when the coast is clear. I know, I cringe at myself too.
On the train
GiphyFor those who are not New Yorkers or have never taken the MTA before, there are seats on the train that seat three people next to each other. I'll just call them three-seaters. I always try to avoid sitting in the middle seat because if I sit in the middle and the person on either side of me gets off the train, do I stay in the middle seat or do I shift over to where that person was sitting? If I shift over, then maybe the person who is still next to me would think that I don't want to sit next to them. If I don't shift over, then maybe that person would be asking themselves why I won't move over to make more room for the both of us. Or maybe I'm just overthinking the situation and I should stop half-shifting and just make a damn decision.
When people shout my name
GiphyOh. My. Gosh. I hate this. I get that if you see me, then you may want to say hi (or you may not. That's okay too), but please hold back screaming my name if you're like a mile away. I understand if we're a few feet away from each other, and I could hear you without you having to yell, but if you're at one end of the dining hall, and I'm at the other, this ain't going to work. If you shout my name from far away, then everyone's going to hear it and everyone's going to turn around. What am I supposed to do? Scream back? Absolutely not. That's going to look even worse. I would rather ignore you (I'm so sorry in advance).
When I’m not interested/too tired to listen
GiphyThis happens a lot (Again, I'm sorry in advance). When people talk about something that I'm not really interested in, you probably can tell that I'm disinterested when you hear me say "wow" or "oh really" because I don't want to add anything to the conversation to make it longer. Sometimes, I'm too tired to listen, but I also don't want someone to not talk about something they're interested in, so in this case, I would just nod to everything. This means that when I nod excessively, that's when you know you lost me. What's even more awkward is when the person asks me a question or asks me for my opinion on what they said, and I just say "okay". Even if it's a yes or no question, I respond with an "okay" and I don't even realize it.
In the dorm
GiphyThis depends on the people who you live with, but there were a handful of awkward silences in my dorm. My friends call it a "comfortable silence", but in my opinion, there's nothing comfortable about it. Of course, we set aside to study, and it's quiet during that time, but the silence dragged on for too long over the course of the semester. Maybe it's me not knowing what to say, and oftentimes, I really don't know what to say. I would always talk about school, but after awhile, how much more can I say? Even I get sick of what I say. I guess I just need to learn how to break the silence or it just wasn't meant to be.
sunrise
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bonfire friends
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sadness
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purple skies
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true love
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My Cheerleader
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womans transformation to happiness and love
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future life together of adventures
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