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Top 5 Lesser Known Christmas Classics

You won't believe you've never heard these festive tunes.

JT Cunningham

Dec 05, 2016

Hamline University

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Amazing that these hidden gems never got the radio play they truly deserved.

I Saw Daddy Hitting Santa Claus

The sequel to the classic tale of infidelity and the destruction of youthful innocence. With its catchy rhythm and even catchier lyrics, it’s a surprise this one didn’t make a bigger splash on Christmas radio.

I saw Daddy hitting Santa Claus/right by mommy last night/she didn’t know what to do/now that her husband is strangling her jolly new beau.

Baby, I Got a Restraining Order

Having those weary old holiday blues and need cheering up? Well, look no further than this 1965 gem. Now only will it remind you of that old girlfriend you keep calling and hanging up on, but just how toxic the relationship was to begin with!

Baby, it’s cold out here/I know, get off my lawn, Steve/Please don’t make me leave/I got that restraining order for a reason/please baby my balls are freezing/I’m calling the police/Okay, I get it, I get it, sheesh.

O, Annual Family Dinner Argument

Everybody has relatives that just love to spout uninformed political opinions, and this song perfectly captures just how uncomfortable it is to argue with a Trump supporter about how gay people, hispanics, and Muslims are people too.

O Racist Uncle Greg shut your mouth/Not until we shock the gay out/that’s just obscene/oh yeah, well check out my gun’s shining metal gleam! *gun shots are heard in the background, people scream, police sirens sound, and a paramedic arrives on the scene asking if anyone is seriously injured*

Ambiguous Winter Holiday

Written to include all races, creeds, ethnicities, sexual and gender identities, and religions, this one manages to capture that warm holiday spirit of the season.

I hate everyone on the earth/my only Christmas wish is for them to all fuck off/seeing everyone disappear gives me mirth/2016’s been bad enough.

Rudolph the Capitalist Slave

You all know the story. An outcast with a genetic defect is given the slightest hint of appreciation because he exploited his physical attributes to further the cause of free-market capitalism.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer/saved the commercial season/now we ignore him completely/our prejudices aren't unmade just because/you managed to get our boss paid.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Top 5 Lesser Known Christmas Classics

You won't believe you've never heard these festive tunes.

I Saw Daddy Hitting Santa Claus

Baby, I Got a Restraining Order

O, Annual Family Dinner Argument

Ambiguous Winter Holiday

Rudolph the Capitalist Slave

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We don't buy into these... just like how we don't buy our friends.

8. "The whole philanthropy thing isn't real, right?"

7. "I don't need to buy my friends."

6. "Oh, so I'll bet you love to drink."

5. "Can you tell me some of your secrets?"

4. "What do you do at your meetings?"

3. "Do you guys haze really badly?"

2. "Is it just like in the movies?"

1. "Sororities are so basic."

There are plenty of obstacles that come when taking care of kids, but it's a very rewarding experience.

1. You get excited when the parents purchase season passes to the pool.

2. You've become friends with the stay-at-home moms in town.

3. You get a chance to eat "kid foods" again.

4. You've traded in your cute purse for a large tote bag.

5. You have at least one car seat in your backseat.

6. Their nap time is your happy time.

7. Lunch time can be a disaster.

8. You have to play the same board games repeatedly.

9. You catch yourself using the same lines your parents once told you.

10. Your "mom-mode" kicks in at times.

11. Your heart melts a little when they do something cute.

You'll never find any souvenirs with your name on it

1. You know you are up next when the teacher pauses while taking attendance

2. When “I’m going to do my very best to make sure I know all your names” is said, it may or may be an empty promise

3. “Wow! That sounds so cool! Where is your family from?”

4. You dread when people ask you to repeat your name over and over because it “sounds so cool when you say it”

5. There’s a 50/50 chance that your name will come back either correct or incorrect at Starbucks

6. People try to find shorter, easier nicknames for you instead of calling you by your actual name

7. When someone famous or fictional character shares your name, you get so happy

8. “What’s your name?” “It’s [name]” “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

9. You’ve pretty much seen every misspelling and heard every mispronunciation of your name throughout your life

10. When you find another person with an “ethnic” sounding name, you both get excited

11. Despite the struggles, your name is pretty unique… just like you

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Don't Be That Person

1. “Oh, so you/your family are immigrants!”

2. “Is Puerto Rico near Mexico?”

3. “Do you speak Puerto Rican?”

4. “You look too light/dark to be Puerto Rican.”

5. “Do I need my passport to go to Puerto Rico?”

6. “Geez, you are obsessed with your flag. We get it, you’re Puerto Rican.”

7. “Why are you so loud?”

8. “So does your family know English?”

9. “Oh my god, Puerto Ricans are so spicy.”

10. “So did you eat a lot of tacos?”

11. “Are you Mexican?”

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