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Lifestyle

Top 5 Lesser Known Christmas Classics

You won't believe you've never heard these festive tunes.

JT Cunningham

Dec 05, 2016

Hamline University

MowryJournal

Amazing that these hidden gems never got the radio play they truly deserved.

I Saw Daddy Hitting Santa Claus

The sequel to the classic tale of infidelity and the destruction of youthful innocence. With its catchy rhythm and even catchier lyrics, it’s a surprise this one didn’t make a bigger splash on Christmas radio.

I saw Daddy hitting Santa Claus/right by mommy last night/she didn’t know what to do/now that her husband is strangling her jolly new beau.

Baby, I Got a Restraining Order

Having those weary old holiday blues and need cheering up? Well, look no further than this 1965 gem. Now only will it remind you of that old girlfriend you keep calling and hanging up on, but just how toxic the relationship was to begin with!

Baby, it’s cold out here/I know, get off my lawn, Steve/Please don’t make me leave/I got that restraining order for a reason/please baby my balls are freezing/I’m calling the police/Okay, I get it, I get it, sheesh.

O, Annual Family Dinner Argument

Everybody has relatives that just love to spout uninformed political opinions, and this song perfectly captures just how uncomfortable it is to argue with a Trump supporter about how gay people, hispanics, and Muslims are people too.

O Racist Uncle Greg shut your mouth/Not until we shock the gay out/that’s just obscene/oh yeah, well check out my gun’s shining metal gleam! *gun shots are heard in the background, people scream, police sirens sound, and a paramedic arrives on the scene asking if anyone is seriously injured*

Ambiguous Winter Holiday

Written to include all races, creeds, ethnicities, sexual and gender identities, and religions, this one manages to capture that warm holiday spirit of the season.

I hate everyone on the earth/my only Christmas wish is for them to all fuck off/seeing everyone disappear gives me mirth/2016’s been bad enough.

Rudolph the Capitalist Slave

You all know the story. An outcast with a genetic defect is given the slightest hint of appreciation because he exploited his physical attributes to further the cause of free-market capitalism.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer/saved the commercial season/now we ignore him completely/our prejudices aren't unmade just because/you managed to get our boss paid.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Top 5 Lesser Known Christmas Classics

You won't believe you've never heard these festive tunes.

I Saw Daddy Hitting Santa Claus

Baby, I Got a Restraining Order

O, Annual Family Dinner Argument

Ambiguous Winter Holiday

Rudolph the Capitalist Slave

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The transition into adulthood is never easy

1. "Unlimited Freedom!"

2. "Dorm Life!"

3. "Never mind, where is my apartment?"

4. "Whose idea was this 8 AM?"

5. I'm so looking forward to that nap."

6. "I don't have the brain capacity for this"

7. "Wow, college is great"

It's easier than you think.

1. Look into Housing and Dining.

2. Pay attention to campus postings.

3. Find common interest groups.

4. Join an intramural sports team.

5. Work on a cause that you care about.

6. Join a club related to your major.

7. Get an on-campus job.

8. Volunteer.

College without friends is like peanut butter without jelly.

1. You need people to hang out with.

2. You don’t want to be stuck alone eating lunch or dinner.

3. Weekends suck without anyone to share them with.

4. College will be miserable for you.

5. Finding a roommate for the following year will be impossible.

6. You need someone to talk to about personal stuff or homework that isn’t your mom.

7. Classes will be boring and quiet for you if you don’t know anyone.

8. Walking around campus is just awkward.

9. Homework help and study buddies do not exist.

Why it pays to leave the hoodie at home.

1. Comfort

2. Confidence

3. Surprises

4. Self Esteem

A few signs that you may live in the library whether you'd like to admit it or not.

1. You dress for the temperature of the library, not the weather outside.

2. You say hello to the security guard when he or she walks by.

3. The employees at Starbucks know your name and order.

4. You eat all your meals at a library cubby, not at your own house.

5. You take the quiet floors very seriously.

6. Any night you are not at the library is a special occasion.

7. You have shown up to the library hungover on more than one occasion.

8. Your friends always text you when they are going to the library because they know you will be there.

9. You have taken a nap in the library at some point.

10. You know all the cold and hot spots in the library.

11. You've seen your studying pay off.

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