As we grow up, we meet people who are older and have more experience than us. We also meet people who are the same age as us but think they are wiser. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that every individual has a different level of knowledge, and of course I appreciate it when someone gives me advice. However, it’s safe for me that say that there have been so many times where “friendly” advice from just one person turns into a whole unnecessary speech. The kind of speech that makes you feel like this person is talking down to you, as if they know so much more about something than you ever will. But do they really know more? And for me, there are always certain instances when you feel like like someone else is talking down to you with their “advice,” especially when they’re someone you don’t really know.

1. The Way You Handle Dating

One thing I learned this year is that college isn’t really the easiest place to date, and that’s 100% okay, it’s the last four years of school where we can be young and not tied down to anything or anyone. However, sometimes, a lot of the boys that I have met act as if they know more than me on how not to date. They act as if they need to spare my feelings for some reason and that having a few conversations means girls are suddenly attached to them. The whole “I don’t want a relationship” speech from a guy has become exhausting, especially when a girl never said they wanted one in the first place. And sometimes, that speech goes on and on with the whole “you know how it is with college and dating” and guys just go off on a tangent. These assumptions that a girl’s feelings are hurt so easily by another guy are completely unnecessary. Trust me boys, we aren’t as fragile as you think.

2. The Way You Handle Friendship Drama

Whenever you’re in a fight with your friend, you always get advice from another person on all the drama you’re going through. And of course, you appreciate the advice that this person is giving you. But sometimes, that advice is unwanted or even forced upon you. Sometimes you just feel like people end up judging you for who you decide to be friends with. And when you talk to another person about your friends, there are times when that person will ask “how do you let someone treat you that way,” and then you just start to question if that friend is really you friend. After you get the whole “your best friend sucks” speech, it ends up just hurting you more than you ever expected. And sure, you appreciate this person giving you some perspective, yet sometimes your lovely perspective on the friend that you’re fighting with gets lost along the way.

3. The Way You Handle School

“You should be doing this better, you should be trying this harder.” Sure, these are typical phrases that you hear from your parents, but the last thing you need is to be someone constantly reminding of everything you’ve done wrong in your academic career. For me, this happened a lot in high school. There were a lot of instances where I was told that all the tutoring was useless for me when I wasn’t doing any better on my SATS and tests. And you know who was the ones who told me that? People who were the most toxic. You know who would preach to me about how I should study and how I’m not following the right study habits in high school? Toxic people in my classes, regardless of the fact that I was trying so damn hard. In high school, you realize that people are smarter than you, but in reality, you don’t need to be a constant reminder of who you’ll never be in academic.

4. The Way You Handle Yourself

All in all, you are your own freaking person. And growing up, I’ve heard so many people say to me “Work on yourself this way” and “Do everything you can to be better.” There have been so many times when I’ve gotten the whole "It will get better and you’re not alone speech," usually from people who don’t know my full story. But what if I don’t want to get better right this second? What if I just want to be a mess for while? Why do I need people I barely know telling me how much brighter and shinier my life is going to turn out? More than anything, I love how my friends have supported me throughout all my mood swings and crappy feelings. More than anything, I hate how people tell me to just be some kind of emotion. I’ve come to learn that I need to handle myself on my own terms, not on the terms that others are preaching for me to do so.