If you had a religious family when growing up and went to church often, then you've undoubtedly heard about the wonderfully amazing place called Heaven. A marvelous utopia where all good people (and also pets if we're lucky. Because we all have a handful of dogs and goldfish we'd like to see again) go when they leave this world. Many of us have extremely high hopes for this mystical land. But have we ever pondered if there would be any reason to say no to Heaven? For the sane people out there, probably not. Fortunately for this article, my sanity is still questionable. So here are the top reasons to leave Heaven.

Reason # 1: Boredom. When I was a young and adamant church goer, Heaven was often described as a place where there would be no pain, suffering, sorrows, or good-byes. A place where the people of God would do nothing but walk around this mystical plain and sing praises to the Almighty forever and ever. While the no pains part sounded pretty good, it was the constant walking and singing of praises that made me question how fun this afterlife thing really was. Now don't get me wrong, I love walking and singing as much as the next person. But those are both things that most people can do now on Earth. Not to mention that most religious people do that every Sunday. I'm just saying that rewarding a life of walking and singing praises with an eternity of walking and singing praises doesn't sound like the best gift one could receive.

Reason # 2: Meeting God. If you've ever paid attention to readings from the Bible and sermons from pastors, you may have noticed some inconsistencies about God whenever He's mentioned. In one verse, He's a loving and forgiving deity and in others, He show's all of the love and tenderness of a raging alcoholic who just lost his job and came home to an uncooked meal. My point is, meeting God up close could go a multitude of different ways. Maybe He really is kind and welcoming. Or maybe He's kicking people out of Heaven left and right for working on the sabbath. Perhaps he doesn't care about who we loved or if we waited until marriage to have intercourse. Or maybe He has a big sign in front of the holy gates that reads NO GAYS ALLOWED!!! THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR YOU DIRTY SHACKERS!!! All I'm saying is that God was very bipolar in the Bible, and I personally couldn't stay in Heaven with Him at the helm.

Reason # 3: Biblical Accuracy. Personally, I don't fully believe in the Bible. Sure it has a handful of good messages, but it was also written by several different men whom all had their biases and hidden agendas to get across. So imagining getting to heaven and finding out that the Bible was indeed word by word the message of God would be a little concerning. This would mean that God was cool with slavery, didn't believe that women had any rights except having babies and being loyal to men, flooded the planet to teach a lesson, destroyed an entire city because they didn't they have sexual relations in a way that he approved, and a great deal of other actions that are kind of unbecoming of a loving God. In all honesty, if even half of the Bible turns out to be true, then I'm pretty sure the entire planet would not pass the litmus test to gain entrance into Heaven. But at least in Hell, we'll be in good company.

And those would be my reasons to leave Heaven. Hopefully it really is everything that we've all thought it to be. An eternal place of happiness. But if church and the Bible have taught me anything about Heaven, it's that it'll either be a place of day in and day out boredom, or a fancy country club that I wouldn't be allowed in anyway.

See y'all in Hell. And thanks for reading.