The Top 11 Things Your Car Says About You From A Valet | The Odyssey Online
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Politics and Activism

The Top 11 Things Your Car Says About You From A Valet

You are what you drive.

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The Top 11 Things Your Car Says About You From A Valet
Black Diamond Valet

There's nothing worse than traffic and parking. If you've been to Lenox Square Mall in Buckhead, then you know how awful both are. I work as a valet for Ameripark there and I get to put on a smile every time and experience it. It's great.

My tip: don't go on weekends if you enjoy your sanity.

I would say a good bit (about one-third) of our customers don't go there expecting to valet but it makes the process easier since you could literally drive around for an hour just finding that one spot that someone just left open.

Having to drive so many cars and meeting a ton of different people everyday, you develop a good sense of not only how well the cars drive or are being taken care of but also the people driving them.

Here's what your car says about you:

1. If it's a manual, you're going to be really cool. You're already irritated with traffic and just want to get out of it immediately.


2. Tesla drivers love answering every question you have about the car and will make time to show you every feature about the car if you ask about it.


3. Camaro, Corvette, Challenger, or a new Mustang, are obsessed with the car. The people who drive them always love them and make sure to watch every second of every turn of every driver to see their baby parked right.


4. Anything from Pontiac means you want to get from point A to point B and you're not afraid of it getting hit because at this point you just want the insurance money.

5. Tricked out jeep means you love attention.

6. Dirty jeep also means you love attention.

7. An old two-door truck means you've probably hauled more couches and TVs than I ever will and could appreciate some back-and-forth about some of the people at the mall.


8. Electric car drivers have the patience of a saint all the time and don't mind if you roll up slowly.


9. Full-sized truck owners want to get out. Immediately. Out of traffic. Out of their vehicle. Out of the mall. No patience and will (thankfully!) make sure traffic keeps going.


10. Minivans are going to take their time. Somehow by some method, four kids will jump out, the mother will grab the stroller and take two more kids out. Then the dad, uncle, aunt, and grandmother will all decide where in the world they are even going while I'm just sitting there waiting to move the car after eight minutes. Full-sized trucks and minivans are natural nemeses.

11. Cadillac drivers feel like they've got the situation under control. They're the big boss and want to feel like it.

Working valet, I already have an impression of how to talk to some people when they drive up. Sometimes I do get surprised by people either being too nice or too mean when I don't expect it. You're not bound by what you drive, it's just that your car is a part of your personality as much as anything else you own. Being a valet, I have to talk to a lot of people.

Of course, there are those special moments that make being valet worth it or just plain head-scratching. I got in a vehicle once with a pineapple as a passenger. I got in this car and my boss looked right at me and said "I'm sorry," with the most wide-eyed expression. And then the weirdest, mustiest, most confusing sweet smell hit me and I held my breath like I was stuck in space trying to keep my own oxygen from touching this ungodly smell.

Of course, I was the lucky one and had to go get this car. I got in already dreading it. I look down and there was this deteriorating and sad pineapple in the cup holder. It was sliced at the top and a fork just stuck in it.

People are weird.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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