Dear Daughter, I hope the world changes before you arrive. Here in my time, 1 in 6 women are reported to experience rape at some point in their lives, being a women is a safety hazard (1). The physical vessel we are born with-- what we cannot change-- has caused some of the most controversial policy debates in the US government, and has been call for significant legislation. Your access to contraception and your right to make the choice about an abortion, is being fought over now. In 2016, many of us think we have socially progressed so far, but access to abortions has become more difficult than ever. Over the past couple of years, abortion clinics have been closing at a rapid pace-- becoming the most illegal legal activity. (2) Planned Parenthood is an organization established in 1916, that has pioneered and advocated for women’s rights to contraception, and education regarding sexuality and birth control. One hundred years later, Planned Parenthood is under attack, and some states even have began defunding Planned Parenthood’s efforts in the wake of controversy. This controversy mainly stemmed from security footage that had been tampered with, and claims that the organization was selling fetal issue. The truth eventually came out proving the footage to be false, but that has not been enough to halt the assault against the organization. According to a recent NPR piece, “Despite all the worry, state investigations have yet to find any evidence that Planned Parenthood was selling or profiting off fetal tissue. Twelve states have completed investigations into Planned Parenthood following the videos' release, according to the organization.”(3)

Nevertheless, this issue reopened controversy surrounding planned parenthood, and caused long-standing nay sayers to encourage state legislatures to begin the defunding process, and questioning women’s reproductive rights once again. Since this past summer, 11 states have succeeded in passing bills that make accessing abortions more difficult. Governor Rick Scott of Florida passed a large bill including many restrictions to abortion access, as well as prohibiting the reimbursement of public funds such as Medicaid, to facilities that offer abortion procedures. (4) It has been 43 years since Roe v. Wade and once again, we are at a juncture in history, where feminism is changing and it is the duty of this generation to adamantly fight for the true equality I want you to have.

Dear Daughter, I hope you have the representation you need. Early March 2016, the South Carolina House declined Governor Nikki Haley’s proposal to add trained prosecutors to domestic violence cases. At this time, domestic violence court cases are prosecuted by police officers, with no professional legal experience, while being pitted against seasoned defense lawyers. Do we see a certain imbalance here? Governor Haley proposed this change be made, and $19 million to be used for additional prosecutors, 39 of them would be dedicated to domestic violence cases. The House shut down this action in the name of budget issues, but this coincides with the distinct lack of priority domestic violence takes to other issues. “That was disappointing news to advocates such as Laura Hudson, executive director of the S.C. Crime Victims’ Council, and a member of the domestic violence task force. She said the state should be able to fund the initiative, particularly since lawmakers had an additional $1.2 billion in new revenue and unspent cash available when they returned in January. ‘It seems like surely we can afford to do that,’ she said. “Law enforcement does the best they can with this, but they are not prosecutors.” (5) House representatives on the budget writing committee stated that the courts need to determine where there is a need in terms of hiring new prosecutors. It is being written into the budget to hire more prosecutors but not specifically focusing on domestic violence. The South Carolina government has effectively ignored the death toll of women in 2014. A study done by the Post and Courier revealed that over the past decade, there was a domestic violence related death every 12 days (6). South Carolina has been the deadliest state for women for two decades now, and there is still a fight for proper representation.

Dear Daughter, I hope you do not have to live with acceptable violence, it is everywhere. A very good friend of mine met a boy her freshman year of college, and started dating him sophomore year. Things began very well, but she did start seeing red flags, which at the time, she did not think would amount to much. His past girlfriend had a restraining order against him. She breached the topic, and he convinced her the charges were dropped and twisted the situation to make it sound less serious-- little did she know at the time. She recalls the first violent confrontation between the two of them-- he did not want her to attend a frat party her friends were going to; she went anyway. He showed up at the party, pulls her aside, corners her, and starts yelling, “I went to make sure you weren’t here”. They get into a screaming fight, and everyone else in the room remained completely silent, accepting the moment. One individual finally stepped in, and told him to back off, that brave person could have unknowingly prevented that situation from becoming infinitely worse. This is the acceptance of violence. There is an acceptance of violence between men and women, especially in a dating relationship. Almost like it is expected. He tried to blackmail her using ultimatums, and harassing her via social media in an attempt to control her behavior. His emotional and verbal abuse became increasingly tiring and horrifying. She felt more and more alone.

Dear Daughter, I hope that saying 'no' to a man does not put your life in danger. Her boyfriend turned stalker, harassed her for months after she attempted to end the relationship, and even called her parents about her. Overtime, she did not reach out for help from the authorities very much, until he busted into her dorm room in a jealous rage and finally got kicked out of the building permanently. However, the police could not prevent him from following her to a friend’s house and screaming obscenities at her through his car window. We like to think we can create a safe world around ourselves, and the infrastructure can protect us, but it has reasonable limitations, and ultimately it cannot control any one person’s behavior. “Universities tend to have fragmented reporting channels rather than a centralized system where a student knows to come to” said Sarah Dunne, legal director for the American Civil Liberties Union of Washington. (7) If young women report the incident at all, it may be to the police, a faculty member, a friend, or to a sexual assault counseling center. There is no standard procedure or infrastructure to capture those experiencing assault and violence. This creates a foggy approach to prevention and case follow up.

Ultimately, this man put her through a hell she had never experienced before. A hell she and the system around her could not control, because she said no. Another good friend of mine endured an abusive experience with a past boyfriend as well. He was going through a deployment overseas in the United States Marine Corps, and was struggling with mental health issues. He reflected his anger and emotional issues onto her. At one point, he came back after being away a while-- she had cooked him a big welcome home meal. He went out of his way to find fault, lost control and choked her up against a wall. She put her foot down and said she couldn’t see him until he got help-- he said he was going to kill her.

Both of these stories share certain similar threads. These young men would do everything they could to keep the cycle of abuse going. They would apologize and even guilt trip their victims to remain in the relationship, or at least keep quiet. One said she had trouble opening up to her mom about her struggles. She did not believe she had the kind of supportive system that would carry her through this abusive experience. She felt that she either had to deal with it on her own, or hope things would just get better. Finally, she brought the relationship to an end. She called him and broke it off while he was deployed. Her sorority sister berated her for being cold hearted. However, she intentionally waited for him to run out of leave time so she wouldn’t have to worry about him coming to find her and hurting her. It is amazing what people do not see. This abuse was under the radar, to say the least. Not only were many friends and family not aware of the situation, they thought the couple was more than OK. I mean, after all, he did send flowers and gifts. Both young women were backed into a corner, where they didn’t think anyone would believe them situation if they truly opened up about it. Even if they did, would the system support them?

According to a 2014 report from the White House Council on Women and Girls, “Despite the prevalence of rape and sexual assault, many offenders are neither arrested nor prosecuted. A number of factors may contribute to low arrest rates– but police biases (e.g., believing that many victims falsely claim rape to get attention, or that only those who’ve been physically injured are telling the truth) persist, and may account for some officers’ unwillingness to make an arrest... Even when arrests are made, prosecutors are often reluctant to take on rape and sexual assault cases.”(8) Ultimately, the cycle of this broken system and years of taking a backseat to other issues, have created a culture of distrust and a system of dead ends. The lack of fluency in how rape and assault cases are handled only amplifies the issues already at hand and does little for violence against women.

Dear Daughter, I hope the world changes before you arrive. I hope you can walk to your car at night. I hope you can live your life without your safety consistently in jeopardy. I hope you can exercise reproductive rights and freely advocate for yourself. I hope you can shatter ceilings and conquer stereotypes-- I hope you do not become another statistic. I hope the commonly used phrase, "violence against women", is used in retrospect. I hope we can change the world for you before you arrive.

All personal testimonies have been recorded accurately, and are intentionally void of personal names, to protect the identity of those involved.

Sources:

(1) Who Are The Victims Read Here

(2) Deprez, Esme “The Vanishing US Abortion Clinic” Bloomberg Read Here

(3) “Planned Parenthood Investigations Find No Fetal Tissue Sales” January 28th, 2016, Read Here

(4) “The State Assault on Planned Parenthood”, New York Times, March 28th 2016, Read Here

(5) Cynthia Rolden, Glenn Smith “House Snubs Haley’s Plan to Add More Domestic Violence Prosecutors”, March 1st, 2016, Read Here

(6) Doug Pardue, Glenn Smith, Jennifer Berry Hawes and Natalie Caula Hauff “Till Death Do Us Part” Post and Courier, Read Here

(7) Carol Smith and Lee Van Der Voo “Colleges ‘Indenial’ about Campus Sexual Assault Problem” Investigate West, 02/2010, Read Here