Dearest Nan Banan,
You were so special to me. We always had great times together, like when we would take our walks to the Country Store, or take little trips on the paddleboat, or that one time when you and Gramps came down to surprise me for my birthday.You and I (with Grandpa) did so much more together: golfing, cuddling the mornings away, and the best, of course, was eating your favorite thing: ice cream.
It's been about a week now since you finally ended your suffering, and the last two weeks have been the longest two weeks of my life. You were one of the best fighters I know and there is a lot that you still don’t know about all of us after your passing.
First of all: you are loved and you are missed. I saw it in my mom's eyes as she and her wonderful siblings planned the week ahead. I saw that a light was missing in her eyes. My family looks differently at the little things and they feel that pain in the pit in their stomachs that I now feel in mine. Things will be different now, because we know that the best of us is gone.
Secondly, you may find when you are looking down at us that we all look a little bit older, your kids have more gray hair and your grandkids have started jobs and have worked their way through school. I imagine this may come as a shock to you, but now you can finally see and remember how all of us have been doing. I understand that at this point that you can now really be there for us the way the Alzheimer's has prevented you from being for six long years.
Thirdly, I want you to understand that all the time we spent looking after you was some of the best memories of our lives. I loved when you came back to us for even a second to tell us a joke or give us a smile or even just to say hi. In the end, that last week was the most important time of my life. I tried to tell you everything that I needed you to hear but there just isn't enough time in the world for me to say all I needed.
Lastly, I want you to know that we are all going to be okay. No matter how many times I said I was okay this week, I will eventually start to mean it. Soon I will be able to remember my crazy Nanny who ate ice cream for three meals a day and think fondly of all the times we had together at Cape Cod for all of those years. We will all be okay after a while, but we will never the same because you were the glue that stuck all of us together.
I hope you know that when your body gave out we carried you the rest of the way home.
I hope you know that you never deserved the pain the last few years have brought.
I hope you know that we love you so much.
Watch out for me and the rest of our wonderfully crazy family, Nanny.
I love you.
