But wait, I enjoyed it. I tried a little experiment Saturday night. I wanted to watch Bohemian Rhapsody and I was in no mood to go with anyone. I was feeling overwhelmed from the long week I had and needed some time alone. This was no ordinary stress, I had had it with everyone, not in the mood to be polite or have a conversation with a single soul. So I did what any sane person would do; I cut myself off of other people, temporarily.
I went shopping. Alone. I went to the gym. Alone. I watched Bohemian Rhapsody. Alone. And that refresh button worked. I was expecting a bad thing, such as people judging me for walking into the movie theatre solo. "Oh, you're that weirdo who got the one seat option" kind of mentality.
Yes, I felt self conscious and like an outsider, especially that everyone around me was either on a date or in a group. I almost didn't want the people near me to see who I was because I felt embarrassed by my choice. So after I mentally hid my face, the waiter came up to me to take my order (at Alamo Draft House, movie theatre that has waiters). She proceeded to ask if my party and I wanted to open a tab or pay cash, and again, I felt too awkward to correct her and say "nope, I'm here alone." So I just told her cash and hoped she's figure it out organically.
When the movie started, I had forgotten everything. Whether I was alone or with someone, it didn't really matter. I was so taken back by what was going on in front of me. I'm sure that the people sitting next to me didn't even give my lonesomeness a second thought. I just let myself relax, live in the moment and enjoy the experience. I didn't feel the need to talk to anyone during the movie, I just had one focus.
To my surprise, I was my biggest critic. No one made me feel ashamed for going alone, no one said a thing, and in all honesty, no one cared. I had to force myself to quiet that judgmental voice because if I was going out alone to avoid the drama, why did I find the need to create it between myself? I had to remind myself that I was doing this as a treat and not a punishment. The movie was intended as an experience to immerse me into someone else's story so I could forget my problems for a little while. I proceeded to order a big chocolate milkshake and a pan of fried pickles, and the best part was that I didn't have to share.
Getting out there gave me a sense of relief. You don't always have to be paired, grouped, or on a date to be able to enjoy activities. Sometimes We need a refresh button, an experience on treating yourself to doing things exactly as you want them without worrying about the group consensus. I got to go everywhere I wanted, I wore my "I don't care" clothes, chose the movie and seat without having to talk it out, didn't need to arrange rides. Honestly, this date was the most hassle-free thing I have done in a long time. I highly recommend everyone hit the refresh button every once in a while by taking yourself out on a date and doing exactly what you want without giving it a second thought.
