Sometimes it can all feel unreal. It can feel like you’re in one of those cliche coming of age movies where the ending is left at a sudden death or cliffhanger. We’re left in a moment of awe and bewilderment, questioning the absurdities and conflicts the character(s) may face after the scene has long passed. That’s how it can feel sometimes. At least for me, that is.
Moments and memories are frozen in time and are eventually forgotten. Yet there come days where I can hear the sirens screaming again, pleading for mercy. A particular smell takes me back to a moment in time I thought had long faded away from my mind. I’m reminded that I was here and I was there. I’m reminded that I’ve come and left people’s lives. I find that rather alluring how a sound, smell, object, color, whatever it may be, can instantly transport us back to a time in our lives that we thought was permanently erased from our filing cabinets.
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Simultaneously, we’re in a car listening to our favorite music at 3 AM, cruising through the city and with every melody and beat we wonder what will become of ourselves. The music and eerie night make us think of the future. We ask ourselves who we will be tomorrow. We ask ourselves why we can’t stay in this “made for the movies” moment and avoid facing the rest of our stories. We’re left with the truth that nothing last forever.
We're in a collision with memories that are reemerging and thoughts of our future. We know that tomorrow everything could be different. Tomorrow we may decide to randomly shave off all our hair for no apparent reason at all. We don't need a reason. We just need some clippers. Tomorrow we may have an epiphany that how we've been living isn't fulfilling enough. Tomorrow is filled with unspecified and unimaginable possibilities and to an extent, we're not okay with that. We understand that everything will change with time and with that we recognize the fact that we won't be the same person we were yesterday. We're afraid of becoming the epitome of our greatest nightmare.
While my future is promising, I am reluctant to welcome it. Will the people that are in my life right now still be here in three months? We grow apart from people every day. We can try our best to prevent it from happening but sometimes it can be for the best. Inevitably, we end up going our separate ways. That isn't to say we do this purposely. We grow into different people, either for better or worse versions of ourselves. Better or worse, people will end up leaving. As disheartening as that may be, people come and go. That’s life.
There will be certain people in your life that want you to stay the same forever. They don’t want you to continue to grow and discover pieces of yourself you didn't know existed. They’re afraid of change and don't know how to handle it. But who does? Nevertheless, we have to dispose of those fears and anxieties that take hold of our lives. We have to take that leap off that cliff like Thelma and Louise did, and hope for the best. Just hope that we make it out alive.
