I Made A Wrong Choice | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

I Made A Wrong Choice

Everyone makes them, some are just worst than others.

64
I Made A Wrong Choice
Superchickscamp.com

In this wonderful journey of life, one will always be given choices. Sometimes you will choose what is best for you, and other times you will make the wrong choice. Everyone goes through this. People have to make the wrong choice sometimes, in order to learn. We have to make a wrong choice because we have to have our commitment to ourselves tested and our willingness to follow our dreams questioned. A little over a year ago, I made a wrong choice. I chose to continue a relationship with someone toxic because I was afraid of being alone. No one made that choice for me. I made that choice.

Were others supporting me in my choice?

Yes.

Were there individuals around me, keeping their mouths closed although they knew it would end in disaster?
Yes.
Were there others around me telling me this was the best decision I would make?

Yes.


At the end of the day, it was I who made the choice. Not my mom. Not my best friend. Not the guy I was with. Not anyone around me. It was me. Me. I did this.

When I made the decision, I didn't know what it would bring in the future. I didn't know of the heart break it would bring me or how it would effect me even a year later. All I knew was my fear of losing someone I had gotten so close to. My bad decision quickly showed itself. It presented itself in the form of me losing some of the best friends I could ever have because I wasn't allowed to hang out with them without a pointless argument. It introduced itself as a familiar friend when I was confronted with the guy telling me "no" when I tried to break up with him. When I became fully aware of my situation, I was obviously furious.

How could I let someone do this to me? How could I let go of my control on my own life because of the threat of having a sense of comfort ripped away from me? What opportunities did I miss out on when I was blinded by the light that he was? How could I let myself believe that after 100 tries that 101 was going to be different? They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome. I had driven myself insane.

That rage and anger, which was myself and should have been directed as such, predictably became projected on him. It was him, I was telling myself, that was responsible for holding me hostage, keeping me from my friends. Attempting to own my friendships, own my free time ...own me. At that time, I couldn't understand that while all of this was happening, it was me who chose to stay... he was not responsible.

I tried to end our relationship and in the heat of it all said some things I had to say to get out. Some of the things I said spoke of only the wrongs he did, none of mine (although he eagerly tried to point them out to me in the harshest of ways.) I wanted to hurt him just as he had hurt me. I wanted to give him the pain of losing everyone around him, like he had attempted to do me.

Looking back on the situation, I could have simply said no when he begged me to stay the first 100 times. After all, he isn't a horrible person (although I perceived him as such). We just got too obsessed with control over making the relationship perfect. He gave me the choice of him or my friends, I always chose him. I nestled in the sense of comfort he gave me. It was too easy to stay somewhere I knew I would have someone when it appeared I had no one, but it was necessary for the realization that he wasn't my happily ever after.

In the end of this relationship, I lost people whom I had grown to love. Including him.


I realized that me making my “wrong” choice to stay with him, was not just about me being overcome with fear; it was also about me being overcome by love, and the concerns that I would lose a family that I cared for very deeply if I left. A big part of the reason I made the “wrong choice” because I didn’t want to make a choice that would mean losing part of, what felt like, my own family. But in the end, I lost that connection anyway.

It is a lesson learned.

And it is a lesson that you do not have to repeat.
Hear me:
Don’t accept the continuum of colors canvassed before you as the only prisms of light possible. There are more.

The “wrong” choice, does not have to be your ultimate choice. And if you are in that choice now, I encourage you to do what I am trying to do everyday: Forgive yourself. You still have to look at you.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

A Few Thoughts Every College Freshman Has

The transition into adulthood is never easy

2690
Mays Island
Courtney Jones

Today I started my third week of college at Minnesota State Moorhead. I have survived welcome week, finding my classes on the first day, and being an awkward loner in the dining hall. Even though I have yet to be here for a month, I have already experienced many thoughts and problems that only a new college student can relate to.

Keep Reading...Show less
college

"Make sure to get involved when you're in college!"

We've all heard some variation of this phrase, whether it came from parents, other family members, friends, RAs, or college-related articles. And, like many clichés, it's true for the most part. Getting involved during your college years can help you make friends, build your resume, and feel connected to your campus. However, these commitments can get stressful if you're dealing with personal issues, need to work, or aren't sure how to balance classes and everything else going on during the semester.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

9 Reasons Why Friends Are Essential In College

College without friends is like peanut butter without jelly.

1389
Bridgaline Liberati and friends
Bridgaline Liberati

In college, one of the essential things to have is friends. Yes, textbooks, a laptop, and other school supplies are important but friends are essential. Friends are that support system everybody needs. The more friends you have the better the support system you have. But you also have someone to share experiences with. And don’t settle for just one or two friends because 8 out of 10 times they are busy and you are studying all alone. Or they have other friend groups that do not include you. Don’t settle for just one or two friends; make as many friends as you can. After the first couple of weeks of college, most friend groups are set and you may be without friends.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Power of Dressing Up

Why it pays to leave the hoodie at home.

1066
sneakers and heels
Sister | Brother Style - Word Press

For a moment your world is spinning. The phone alarm has just scared you awake and you’re flooded by daunting thoughts of the day ahead. You have three assignments due and little time to work on them because of your job. You’re running late because you’ve hit snooze one to many times after yesterday’s long hours. You dizzily reach for a hoodie, craving its comfort, and rush for a speedy exit, praying you will have time to pick up coffee. Does this sound familiar?

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

11 Signs You Live At The Library As Told by 'Parks And Recreation'

A few signs that you may live in the library whether you'd like to admit it or not.

979
brown wooden book shelves with books

Finals week is upon us. It is a magical time of year during which college students everywhere flock to the library in attempt to learn a semester's worth of knowledge in only a week. For some students, it's their first time in the library all semester, maybe ever. Others have slaved away many nights under the fluorescent lights, and are slightly annoyed to find their study space being invaded by amateurs. While these newbies wander aimlessly around the first floor, hopelessly trying to find a table, the OGs of the library are already on the third floor long tables deep into their studies. Here is a few signs that you may live in the library, whether you'd like to admit it or not.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments