The first day I had hung with her, I felt a deep connection. All of my overwhelmed feelings disappeared and there was someone I felt I could finally open up to.
Tears rolled down my eyes, love filled my heart and joy took over my mind. Our perspectives seemed to had matched, all too well.
Similar taste in friends, similar needs to be alone and similar needs to be met. Looking at her seemed to be a whole new perspective of myself.
The way she had spoke made sense to me at first, but then I seemed to notice something all too clearly recently. It sounded like she had spoke from her heart, but really she had spoke from her emotion. Well, with that there are consequences.
There is a difference between speaking the truth and being blunt. Being honest is telling that person raw opinions without any intentions of harming the other person’s feelings. Being blunt is telling the person raw opinions without any shame of how it affects the other’s emotions. Some of her choices were not choices I would of made, but are choices that picked the path she is down now.
I really wanted to hang with her, just to spend time with her, but she didn’t want that. Texting seemed to be her go to more often than to accept my invites.
Dreams came to me about her, I told her at first but eventually I had stopped. I understand that what I had dreamt of predicted her future, but was she really deserving? I ask that question since I placed all of this effort, but hadn’t really received much feeling of desire back.
Frustrations had occurred, hours would go by as our plans began fading away. Life isn’t all about planning, but we all need some type of structure. Either it’s her anxiety, time management stress or a superiority feeling reason why she disposes of me. Maybe she expects me to be desperate for her like the others are. If she truly wants to be alone, she would be alone. It hurts me how much she says she loves me, but now I feel the only time she wants to actually spend with me is through something I can give her.
I know that it doesn’t cost me extra if she had came with me or not, but how come she wants to suddenly make time for me when I have a membership. It does not make sense. It’s not okay to use people.
No, I am not writing this so she can read this and know it’s about her, but I am writing this to SPEAK UP. To allow understanding from my mind, to the world. The lesson here is to make an effort towards the ones you truly love. Take control of your actions, stop anxiety from controlling you. Tell ego that you will be who you want to be and not who your ego perceives you out to be. As people, we can be rotten or wonderful. The choice is yours to make. What will you become?
